They're a secretive bunch at In-N-Out.
You're supposed to be when you're a cult.
A cult brand, that is.
If you make news at all, you're supposed to do it when you do something positive, like closing a lot of your restaurants because you're not happy with your buns.
Or because your lawyers have a fine sense of humor.
They must be quaking at Cult Central, then, because there are calls for In-N-Out to be boycotted.
What could the burger chain have possibly done? Accidentally served a piece of frozen meat?
No, for some it's worse than that.
It's donated to the Republican Party of California.
Yes, there is one and, some critics assert, it houses many of Russia's finest Republicans.
Still, the California Democratic Party chair, Eric Bauman, gleefully seized upon In-N-Out's donation and called for a boycott.
Many corporate executives view politicians in various shades on a spectrum between disgust and contempt.
Even when they themselves become politicians.
That's why many corporations donate to both political parties. You never know which way the winds will turn, so you might as well have a bribe in both camps.
And look, In-N-Out donated $30,000 in 2017 and $50,000 in 2018 to Californians for Jobs and a Strong Economy.
This happens to be one of those heinous political action committees. In this case, however, it shrieks on behalf of Democratic candidates who appreciate the social good of corporate entities.
And can it really be a surprise that the burger chain might have rightist leanings? It has Bible quotes on its wrappers, which, some might grunt, seems like a slightly disrespectful way of treating God's word.
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I contacted In-N-Out for its word, and will update should that word be forthcoming.
Some will compare In-N-Out's apparent political bent to Chick-fil-A, the fast food chain that wasn't keen on the legalization of gay marriage.
Oddly, that didn't seem to affect the chicken chain's business.
Why, these days, it's even opening restaurants next door to each other.
So will I suddenly see no lines at my local In-N-Out? Will I see protesters outside, carrying placards that direct me to the nearest McDonald's?
I doubt it.
In America's current freaky state, everything is politicized and nothing is to be trusted.
We don't know who we really are and we don't know who anyone else is either.
We lurch, then, toward regular comforts.
For many people, that's In-N-Out.