How often do you "turn the other cheek" only to find yourself in the same situation later - a situation that results in anger which you then suppress? How often do you witness your husband spending money on "toys" for him and then complaining that the orthodontist for your 11-year-old is too expensive? How often does your husband "loan" money to his "can't-hold-a-job brother" and then complain to you that the $250 shoes you bought are too expensive?
Do you purchase things and then hide them when you get home? Does your husband fuss over the lights being left on when you leave the room but then he "forgets" to bring the grocery bags to the store and has to pay an additional 10 cents per bag?
What holds our voices silent? Fear.
Fear of rejection, fear of losing control, fear that unpleasant or hurtful things might be said...and not be taken back. Fear that our shameful feelings might get exposed...and then what? Fear to be seen as we are, authentically.
What you fear will control you.
If you are not talking openly about money, there are probably other things that are being avoided that then add to the widening distance between you and your spouse. That may explain why sometimes instead of a vitality, there is deadness.
All relationships, regardless of the nature, at some point come down to trust; a lack of trust indicates a lack of intimacy. This could be between siblings, parents and their children, as well as couples.
There is no upside to hiding challenging conversations from your partner. Money is the number one reason for divorce; it always will surface at some point and in the meanwhile, will appear in symbols and metaphors, confusing everyone.
Start talking, start living fully. If you're struggling to untangle your emotions from your money, remember: It's never about the money...even when it is!
"If you're young and are burdened by debt, renting is probably the better bet for you. There's nothing wrong with renting either! Buying a house means putting a LOT of cash down and taking on a mortgage. Mortgages aren't exactly flexible. Then you've got to worry about monthly maintenance, taxes, insurance, etc. Owning a house is expensive, illiquid, and not something you should consider until you are REALLY REALLY REALLY ready." -The Funny Financial Planner
#2. "Investing is only for the wealthy"
"Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. This one just downright annoys me. Maybe you were conditioned to believe this? I'm here to tell you it is a MYTH! Investing is not as complicated as you might think. Sure, there's a learning curve, but with a little help and research you can begin. Maybe you've already begun? Do you have a retirement plan (401k or IRA?), then congratulations, you're already an investor. And guess what?! You don't need $100,000 to start." -The Funny Financial Planner
#3. "A will guarantees your assets will be distributed how you want"
"This is a myth my friends. In fact, if the beneficiaries named in your retirement plans (401k, IRA, Roth IRA, etc.) are different than those you've named in your will...the assets go to the beneficiaries on the retirement accounts and NOT those named in your will. Make sure your will and the beneficiaries you've named on the accounts are in agreement." -The Funny Financial Planner
#4. "I don't want to invest now... I'm trying to time the market"
"'Timing the market' means you think you can figure out the best times to buy low and sell high. Well here's a quote from famed investor Peter Lynch, "I can't recall ever once having seen the name of a market timer on Forbes' annual list of the richest people in the world. If it were truly possible to predict corrections, you'd think somebody would've made billions by doing it." That's all you need to know. It's just not possible. It's best to get in as soon as possible and have a solid, long-term, passive plan, with proper diversification." -The Funny Financial Planner
#5. "I'm too young to worry about retirement"
"Nonsense!!! Time is the best tool you have to build wealth. The longer you wait, the less money you're going to have at retirement. Even if you think it's a long way off and you don't have the money to start now, begin anyway. Do what you can. It will make a HUGE difference in the end. Time coupled with compound interest is pure magic my friends. (Click on the words "compound interest" to see Investopedia's explanation). It's truly the eighth wonder of the world." -The Funny Financial Planner