This is how to turn around your financial life

Some people at times feel as though they are living someone else's life — what they say, how they feel, and what they do never seem to match in a way that makes them feel whole. I have had many clients lament that they feel like they're in a dense fog and can't even see where they are standing, much less the road ahead.

In a way, they are right. They are not really living their lives. The road ahead is unclear because they are not fully present in the moment.

When we are born, we are 100 percent present, and contact with our mothers continues the journey that started in the womb. Feeling connected will lead to a bond that becomes the foundation of trust, but if the mother is not emotionally present, the relationship can lead to mistrust.

As we mature, the emotional world is opened wide. Messages from family members and others influence how we think we should behave in order to get our needs met so that we can survive. These messages get stored in two places: our bodies and our subconscious.

A five-year-old child is totally dependent on someone else to give her food, clothing, and shelter. If a child experiences rejection of her needs because they might not be convenient at the time, or constantly hears others telling her what she should want, dismissing her when she expresses what she truly wants, she starts to internalize the message that she must do as others tell her ... or else.

When the girl begins to repress her real feelings and express the thoughts she thinks others want to hear, she closets her true identity from the outside world and eventually, from herself. I call this split the "adaptation track" versus the "authenticity track." As we grow older, we may stop paying as much attention to our authentic needs and allow a false self to take over just to survive, but frequently that creates a breeding ground for depression, isolation, and a profound sense of emptiness.

As our lives move down this set of tracks, we find ourselves making decisions that later leave us baffled. We marry the wrong guy. We stay in toxic friendships. We take jobs that don't really suit us because it's a living. Maybe we earn less than we deserve, but we're afraid to demand more or work for bosses we don't respect and know we can eclipse.

Then we hit 35 or 40, and the reality gong goes off in our heads. The questions we've been avoiding begin to stream into our thoughts: What am I doing? Why am I broke? What do I really want? The authentic track is starting to communicate louder and louder.

It reminds me of a scene in the film Network where Peter Finch, a TV newscaster, encourages listeners to lean out of their New York City apartment building windows to yell, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!" The authentic self is crying out in pain to be finally noticed, to finally have peace and be reconciled.

So how does all this fit into one's financial world?

Everyone picks a different theater in which to express their angst with the adaptation version of themselves. Some pick weight, some alcohol, some have difficulty bonding with their children or establishing open communication with their spouse. All of these negative relationships with people or vices affect how we relate to money. If you could interview your money, what would it say to you? How do you think your five-year-old self would respond to your money?

This is how and where the journey of healing starts — by examining your early childhood. That is where you find the footing to build self-awareness and the climb begins.

As you gain insights into your past and connect it to the present, you will see how what you do with your money, the men in your life, your coworkers, your siblings, and your body all connect to the same source of pain. By healing that source, everything slowly responds to the effects of the recovery. You will find by not buying that latte, by turning down a glass of wine for a club soda instead, bringing lunch instead of buying lunch, you will feel more in control and have respect for yourself.

These little steps create your journey of reclaiming your hijacked childhood and regaining control of your finances and your life.

The post How To Turn Your Financial Life Around appeared first on The Financial Whisperer.

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6 rules to follow when shopping online
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6 rules to follow when shopping online
1. Make sure that the website you are ordering from is secure
"Many websites will have a seal at the bottom stating that the website is indeed secure and will not make your information public under any circumstances. A site that has 'https://' at the beginning of their web address as well as a padlock symbol is typically a site to trust." -My Broken Coin
2. Search for product reviews beforehand
"Returning items to online stores can be a major hassle. So why not find out what others think of the product before you purchase it online? For example, before buying a new laptop, search for comments and complaints associated with the brand. If there are more negative reviews than positive, and the same problem is reoccurring, then it may not be a brand worth investing in. This will save yourself from buying something that would have to be returned to the store soon after receipt." -My Broken Coin
3. Look for promo codes before checking out
"Who doesn't like saving money, especially on necessities? Almost every retailer will have some sort of promotion available, so ensure you look for one before purchasing. You may not find every code useful or relevant to your purchase, but there are plenty out there that could save you money. So, before you check out ensure you search your retailer for voucher codes and see how much you could save." -My Broken Coin
5. Check and double check your shopping cart
"When shopping online, it's incredibly easy to get side-tracked and accidentally add things into your shopping cart. For example, you may double click on an item and not notice that you've order two of it until it's too late. As well as this, if you've visited a site before but abandoned your cart before purchasing, the site will sometimes have saved your items when you visit again. Thus, it's incredibly important that you double check what you're buying." -My Broken Coin
6. Track your order
"Many sites give you the option to track you orders. This is especially handy when you need your order by a specific date (before Christmas, in time for a birthday party, etc.). Stay on-top of your order's location at all times, including the cities that it is arriving in and departing from every day. A lot of online trackers go through FedEx or UPS and are typically very accurate." -My Broken Coin
4. Price-match whenever possible
"Price-matching and price-comparison is the one of the best strategies for saving money while shopping online, as you will be able to purchase items that you otherwise would not have been able to afford. Retailers are in constant competition with each other to offer the best price and product to customers, so find the one that's offering the best deal." -My Broken Coin
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