Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
They're easy targets.
All the weird beards, whining and apparent self-regard have made millennials the favorite reason for the very decline of our civilization.
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Perhaps they don't even notice. Perhaps they're too busy trying to pay off their student loans, tolerate inane corporate culture and make enough money to stash away before the coming apocalypse.
Still, the finger-pointing at millennials has taken yet another twisted turn.
It is, apparently, millennials' fault that people are buying less fabric softener.
Is this because the younger types prefer their clothes to enjoy a caustic edge? Is it because they don't want to be rubbed up against, preferring to hug themselves?
Is it some sort of return to more basic times when cloth was cloth and humans only ate the animals that they themselves had killed? Yes, just like Mark Zuckerberg.
No, as the Consumerist reports, there's something even more basic going on. Millennials have no idea what fabric softener is for. At least, this is what Procter and Gamble is saying.
Does the fabric of your cuddly check shirt need softening? Or was this mere marketing?
Apparently some athletic wear demands that you don't use fabric softener. Perhaps the makers feel that your gym clothes need always to have that slightly stinky whiff.
Personally, I like the smell of fabric softener, but perhaps I've been fooled by just that.
Procter and Gamble isn't accepting this rough justice.
It's decided to cuddle up to millennials in order to make them understand that fabric softener is a necessary part of their lives.
Yes, it's renamed the product fabric conditioner. Millennials understand conditioner. They use it on their hair and, who knows, even on their beards.
And what's happened since this ceremonial renaming? Sales have gone up 5 percent, allegedly.
Can this possibly last? Will we have to rename other familiar products in order to get millennials to buy them.
Will McDonald's have to become the Home Of The Sustainable Burger? Will soap have to be renamed Skin Conditioner?
The pressure on these marketers must be unbearable.
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