Last week, the Masked Singer judges guessed that the Kangaroo might be Jordin Sparks, India.Arie or LeAnn Rimes — so they were shocked Wednesday when this musical marsupial confessed that she is actually a singing newbie who’s never performed in front of a live audience before.
When the ‘Roo removed her head at end of the night, after hopping off the show in eighth place, it turned out that she was not Jordin Sparks, but Jordyn Woods, the reality starlet/model/tabloid target/ex-bestie of Kylie Jenner.
“To know that you’ve never sung in front of anyone? You have a gift. You have a God-given voice,” raved judge Nicole Scherzinger, while the other equally impressed judges encouraged Jordyn to keep pursuing music professionally. Host Nick Cannon even told Jordyn she “sang like a queen.”
I must agree. While Jordyn, covering the other Jordin’s “No Air” and then Donna Summer’s “Hot Stuff,” didn’t give her most in-the-pocket performances this week, throughout this season she showcased a surprisingly strong voice for someone so untrained. The fact that judge Robin Thicke had been convinced that she was India.Arie — not to mention the fact that she beat out actual music superstars Lil Wayne, Chaka Khan, and Dionne Warwick to get this far — should give Jordyn a big ego boost. “I was extremely nervous every performance, but honestly, the words from you guys made me just more confident every single show,” she gushed to the judges.
Wednesday’s episode, which featured four of this season’s remaining eight cosplaying celebrity contenders, brought back the “Smackdown” round — with the Kangaroo competing, Davey/Goliath-style, against powerhouse diva the Night Angel, and then the two heartthrobs-in-disguise, the Turtle and Astronaut, going head-to-oversized-head. Let’s review the surviving contestants, and keep the guessing game going.
The Night Angel, “Man! I Feel Like a Woman”
She may have felt like a woman, but man! She looked like a violet (and violent) blow-up doll. The Night Angel’s gaping-mouthed, unblinking grape-face is the stuff of purple-hazed nightmares, but her visage does add an intriguing Goth edge even to a Shania Twain bachelorette-party anthem. This wasn’t her best performance, but in terms of pure theatricality, the Night Angel still soared above her Smackdown opponent, the fallen Kangaroo.
Judges’ guesses: Taraji P. Henson, Keke Palmer, Vanessa Williams.
My guess: You guys, this is totally Kandi Burruss. Yes, there’s a chance it might be Brandy or Monica, but all previous clues point to the hit songwriter-turned-Real Housewife.
The Turtle, “Let It Go”
This ballad was a big improvement over last week; the Turtle is clearly at his best when he takes it nice and slow. Nicole described his performance of James Bay’s plaintive hit as “hashtag church.”
Judges’ guesses: Adam Lambert (um, no), Joey McIntyre, Niall Horan.
My guess: It’s not friggin’ Adam Lambert, OK? (But here’s a funny preview of what a Lambert Masked Singer appearance might look like.) I still think this is Jesse McCartney, even if one acronym clue had the judges thinking that a member of “NKTOB” is lurking beneath the Turtle’s hard shell. Along with all of the previous clues, this week’s baseball glove was a nod to Jesse’s sporty youth, while the gavel was a reference to the singer/actor’s two appearances on Law & Order. Case closed!
The Astronaut, “If I Can’t Have You”
This spaceman is no Shawn Mendes; the Astronaut has struggled all season, although he typically compensates for his vocal shortcomings with unhinged emotion. (Yes, it is possible to detect some emotion through that fogged-up helmet window.) But it’s not a shock that this week, the Astronaut fell back down to earth and lost in his Smackdown against the Turtle. He redeemed himself in his final Smackdown against the Kangaroo with “Bye, Bye, Bye,” but I think he will probably be saying bye, bye, bye to the show for good in a couple weeks.
Judges’ guesses: Ben Platt, “Weird Al” Yankovic, Seth Green, Austin Mahone.
My guess: I am sure the *NSYNC song and moon-man costume had some fans convinced that this is Lance Bass, but that’s just too obvious. An accordion clue had the judges convinced this was Weird Al —again, too obvious. (I’m surprised they didn’t guess Judy Tenuta or sorority girl Judy from Revenge of the Nerds, while they were at it.) But Hunter Hayes does play the accordion, and he’s also played the White House, which was another visual clue this week. Add that up with previous clues and this is, without a doubt, Hunter.
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