Dean McDermott: 'Monogamy is hard' after 13-year marriage to Tori Spelling

Getting real. Dean McDermott opened up about the struggles of staying monogamous in an exclusive interview with Us Weekly on Tuesday, October 29.

“Monogamy is hard for, I guess, several reasons — for wanting that initial lust that we have intrinsically built into us,” the former Chopped Canada host, 52, told Us. “Men, we’re like, we need to spread our seed everywhere. It’s [been] in our DNA for millions and millions of years. There’s that, but then there’s also, ‘Oh, God. This relationship is work.’ And it is. Every relationship is work and when you get to that point, you can’t bail. You’ve gotta knuckle under and work it out.”

McDermott’s wife, Tori Spelling, got candid about the difficulties of monogamy on his podcast “Daddy Issues” in June.

34 PHOTOS
Tori Spelling, Dean McDermott and their children
See Gallery
Tori Spelling, Dean McDermott and their children
Actress Tori Spelling poses with her children at the world premiere of Disney's "Christopher Robin," in Burbank, California, U.S., July 30, 2018. REUTERS/Danny Moloshok
US actress Tori Spelling and children attend the World Premiere of Disney's 'Christopher Robin' on July 30, 2018, in Burbank, California. (Photo by VALERIE MACON / AFP) (Photo credit should read VALERIE MACON/AFP/Getty Images)
US actress Tori Spelling and children attend the World Premiere of Disney's 'Christopher Robin' on July 30, 2018, in Burbank, California. (Photo by VALERIE MACON / AFP) (Photo credit should read VALERIE MACON/AFP/Getty Images)
WESTWOOD, CA - JUNE 30: Actor Dean McDermott and wife/actress Tori Spelling with children arrive for Columbia Pictures And Sony Pictures Animation's World Premiere Of 'Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation' held at Regency Village Theatre on June 30, 2018 in Westwood, California. (Photo by Albert L. Ortega/Getty Images)
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA - DECEMBER 02: Tori Spelling (L) Dean McDermott (R) and their son at the 7th Annual Santa's Secret Workshop benefiting LA Family Housing at Andaz on December 2, 2017 in West Hollywood, California. (Photo by Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images for Santa's Secret Workshop 2017)
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA - DECEMBER 02: Tori Spelling (L), Dean McDermott, and their children at the 7th Annual Santa's Secret Workshop benefiting LA Family Housing at Andaz on December 2, 2017 in West Hollywood, California. (Photo by Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images for Santa's Secret Workshop 2017)
CULVER CITY, CA - OCTOBER 29: Tori Spelling and son Beau Dean McDermott attend the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation's 28th Annual 'A Time For Heroes' Family Festival at Smashbox Studios on October 29, 2017 in Culver City, California. (Photo by David Livingston/Getty Images)
WESTWOOD, CA - SEPTEMBER 16: Actor Dean McDermott and actress Tori Spelling with their children arrive for the Premiere Of Warner Bros. Pictures' 'The LEGO Ninjago Movie' held at Regency Village Theatre on September 16, 2017 in Westwood, California. (Photo by Albert L. Ortega/Getty Images)
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA - SEPTEMBER 07: Actress Tori Spelling (L), daughter Stella McDermott, Host Jennie Garth (R) and daughter Lola Ray Facinelli attend the Netflix Series 'Project Mc2' Part 5 Premiere hosted by Jennie Garth and MGA Entertainment at The London West Hollywood on September 7, 2017 in West Hollywood, California. (Photo by Rachel Murray/Getty Images for MGA Entertainment )
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA - SEPTEMBER 07: Actress Tori Spelling and daughter Stella McDermott attend the Netflix Series 'Project Mc2' Part 5 Premiere hosted by Jennie Garth and MGA Entertainment at The London West Hollywood on September 7, 2017 in West Hollywood, California. (Photo by Rachel Murray/Getty Images for MGA Entertainment )
WESTWOOD, CA - JULY 23: Actress Tori Spelling, actor Dean McDermott and children (L-R) Finn McDermott, Liam McDermott, Stella McDermott and Hattie McDermott attend the premiere of Columbia Pictures and Sony Pictures Animation's 'The Emoji Movie' at Regency Village Theatre on July 23, 2017 in Westwood, California. (Photo by Tara Ziemba/Getty Images)
LOS ANGELES, CA - AUGUST 05: (L-R) Actress Tori Spelling, husband Dean McDermott, and children Finn Davey McDermott, Hattie Margaret McDermott, and Stella Doreen McDermott attend 'The Lion King' sing-along screening at The Greek Theatre on August 5, 2017 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Rodin Eckenroth/WireImage)
UNIVERSAL CITY, CA - DECEMBER 21: Tori Spelling, Dean McDermott and children attend the Grand Re-Opening Event For 'From Coraline To Kubo: A Magical LAIKA Experience' at The Globe Theatre on December 21, 2016 in Universal City, California. (Photo by Tommaso Boddi/Getty Images)
HOLLYWOOD, CA - NOVEMBER 14: Tori Spelling, Dean McDermott and their children attend the premiere of Disney's 'Moana' at AFI FEST 2016 at the El Capitan Theatre on November 14, 2016 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Tibrina Hobson/Getty Images)
HOLLYWOOD, CA - NOVEMBER 14: Actress Tori Spelling and her daughter Stella McDermott arrive at the AFI FEST 2016 Presented By Audi premiere of Disney's 'Moana' at the El Capitan Theatre on November 14, 2016 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Amanda Edwards/WireImage)
CULVER CITY, CA - AUGUST 22: Tori Spelling, Dean McDermott and children Finn Davey McDermott, Stella Doreen McDermott, Hattie Margaret McDermott and Liam McDermott attend the LG 'Fam To Table' series at The Washbow on August 22, 2015 in Culver City, California. (Photo by Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic)
CULVER CITY, CA - OCTOBER 25: Tori Spelling and son attend King Of Harts By Melissa Joan Hart Supports The 26th Annual Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation A Time For Heroes Family Festival at Smashbox Studios on October 25, 2015 in Culver City, California. (Photo by Michael Bezjian/Getty Images for Melissa Joan Hart)
HOLLYWOOD, CA - JUNE 08: Tori Spelling, Dean McDermott and children attend the premiere of 'Inside Out' at the El Capitan Theatre on June 8, 2015 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic)
LOS ANGELES, CA - JUNE 27: (L- R) Dean McDermott and actress Tori Spelling (with their children), attend with philanthropist Candy Spelling and actor Randy Spelling the LA's BEST (Better Educated Students for Tomorrow) Annual Family Dinner 2015 at Skirball Cultural Center on June 27, 2015 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by David A. Walega/WireImage)
BUENA PARK, CA - MAY 14: Actress Tori Spelling and son Finn Davey McDermott attend the launch of 'Voyage To The Iron Reef' at Knott's Berry Farm on May 14, 2015 in Buena Park, California. (Photo by Chelsea Lauren/WireImage)
LOS ANGELES, CA - DECEMBER 06: Tori Spelling (L), Dean McDermott (R) and thei children Hattie, Stella, Finn and Liam attend the 4th Annual Santa's Secret Workshop Benefiting LA Family Housing at Andaz Hotel on December 6, 2014 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Tiffany Rose/WireImage)
LOS ANGELES, CA - DECEMBER 12: TV personalities Dean McDermott (L) and Tori Spelling pose with daughter Hattie Margaret McDermott at 'Rockin' Ever After' presented by Disney On Ice at Staples Center on December 12, 2013 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by David Livingston/Getty Images)
BEVERLY HILLS, CA - MAY 10: Actress Tori Spelling (C) and children Finn Davey McDermott (L) and Hattie Margaret McDermott (R) attend The Helping Hand of Los Angeles annual mother's day luncheon at Beverly Hills Hotel on May 10, 2013 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Chelsea Lauren/WireImage)
BURBANK, CA - AUGUST 28: Actress Tori Spelling (C), her daughter Stella McDermott (L) and her son Liam McDermott (R) join the Lunchables Team and Club Kids to build a sport court at Boys and Girls Club of Burbank on August 28, 2012 in Burbank, California. (Photo by Amanda Edwards/WireImage)
LOS ANGELES, CA - APRIL 17: Actress Tori Spelling and husband actor Dean McDermott pose with their daughter Hattie McDermott at a signing for Spelling's book 'celebraTORI' at Barnes & Noble at The Grove on April 17, 2012 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by David Livingston/Getty Images)
LOS ANGELES, CA - DECEMBER 14: Actors Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott pose with their children Stella McDermott and Liam McDermott at Disney On Ice, Children's Hospital LA and AEG's Season of Giving Create Holiday Magic on LA Kings Holiday Ice at L.A. LIVE on December 14, 2011 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by David Livingston/Getty Images)
�2010 RAMEY PHOTO Beverly Hills, California, August 8, 2010 TORI SPELLING, her husband DEAN McDERMOTT and their children go to the Farmer's Market in Encino, California. Tori carried her daughter Stella in her arms most of the time. PGpg68 (Photo by Philip Ramey/Corbis via Getty Images)
Actor Dean McDermott and son Liam McDermott attend Tori Spelling's book signing of 'Uncharted TerriTORI' at Barnes & Noble bookstore at The Grove on June 21, 2010 in Los Angeles, California.
LOS ANGELES, CA - JUNE 21: From L to R : Dean McDermott, son Liam Aaron McDermott, daughter Stella Doreen McDermott and actress Tori Spelling attend Tori Spelling Book Signing for 'Uncharted TerriTori' on June 21, 2010 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Valerie Macon/Getty Images)
SAN DIEGO - MARCH 26: Actors Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott with their children Stella McDermott and Liam McDermott arrive to the launch of the Polar Bear Plunge at the World Famous San Diego Zoo on March 26, 2010 in San Diego, California. (Photo by John Shearer/WireImage)
UNIVERSAL CITY, CA - MARCH 21: Tori Spelling, Dean McDermott and children arrive at the Los Angeles Premiere of 'How To Train Your Dragon' at the Gibson Amphitheatre on March 21, 2010 in Universal City, California. (Photo by Gregg DeGuire/FilmMagic)
NEILL J. SCHUTZER/�2009 RAMEY PHOTO September 17, 2009, Malibu, California Tori Spelling and son Liam out in Malibu. NJSZO09 (Photo by Philip Ramey/Corbis via Getty Images)
BELLE PICTURES/�2009 RAMEY PHOTO LOS ANGELES, 8/19/09 TORI SPELLING AT THE PARK WITH HER FAMILY. JMI (Photo by Philip Ramey/Corbis via Getty Images)
LOS ANGELES, CA - APRIL 20: Actress Tori Spelling (R) and daughter Stella Doreen McDermott attend a signing for Spelling's book 'Mommywood' at Barnes & Noble Booksellers at The Grove on April 20, 2009 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by David Livingston/Getty Images)
HIDE CAPTION
SHOW CAPTION
of
SEE ALL
BACK TO SLIDE

“The reality is you’re two people. I feel like humans, instinctually, it’s really hard to be monogamous because you’re always changing,” the BH90210 star, 46, said at the time. “And if you’re not on the same page, you have to try to change again, and evolve and be on the same page.”

McDermott told Us that dealing with marital issues “under a microscope” can make things even harder. The couple let the world into their private lives during their reality TV series, True Tori, in 2014.

“We’ve been doing this for a long time now. You know, 15 years for me, and Tori’s been under the microscope since she was a kid,” he said. “I’ve gotten to the point where Tori’s at now, where you just ignore it and you have really thick skin about it, because it really will eat you up.”

He added, “And when you are under the microscope and something comes out you think everybody walking in the street thinks the same thing. You feel like, ‘Oh my God, everybody knows what’s going on. Everybody knows how I’m feeling.’ It can drive you crazy. ”

While True Tori chronicled the ups and downs of their marriage, McDermott told Us he thinks people weren’t ready to see a couple be so honest about their issues.

“When we did True Tori, that was one of our hopes — that it would help others. It certainly helped us, because it got us into therapy a lot quicker and sped up the process of dealing with this, because we were doing a show around it,” he said. “It did help people, but I think it was a little too before its time. I don’t think people were ready for that kind of reality. … It was really raw and we were really vulnerable.”

McDermott and Spelling tied the knot in 2006. They share five kids, Liam, 12, Stella, 11, Hattie, 8, Finn, 7, and Beau, 2. The couple have had their fair share of marriage problems over the years. In December 2013, Us broke the news that the Slasher star had cheated on Spelling. McDermott entered treatment for sex addiction one month later.

43 PHOTOS
Tori Spelling through the years
See Gallery
Tori Spelling through the years
UNITED STATES - JANUARY 22: THE LOVE BOAT - Season Six - 1/22/83, Tori Spelling (Sarah) in the 'Doc's Big Case' episode of ABC's 'The Love Boat.', (Photo by ABC Photo Archives/ABC via Getty Images)
Candy Spelling and Tori Spelling at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hilton, California (Photo by Ron Galella/WireImage)
HOTEL - 'Barriers' - Airdate: March 11, 1987. (Photo by ABC Photo Archives/ABC via Getty Images) L-R: SHARI BELAFONTE;TORI SPELLING;CONNIE SELLECCA
Tori Spelling, 1988. (Photo by Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images)
Tori Spelling (Photo by Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic)
SAVED BY THE BELL -- Pictured: (l-r) Tori Spelling as Violet Anne Bickerstaff, Dustin Diamond as Screech Powers (Photo by Alice S. Hall/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images)
LOS ANGELES - 1990: Actress Tori Spelling poses for a portrait in 1990 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Harry Langdon/Getty Images)
Brian Austin Green and Tori Spelling (Photo by Ron Galella, Ltd./WireImage)
Jason Priestley, Tori Spelling, Aaron Spelling, Shannen Doherty and Luke Perry at the Universal Studios in Universal City, California (Photo by Ron Galella/WireImage)
Tori Spelling (Photo by Ron Galella, Ltd./WireImage)
Tori Spelling & Brian Austin Green (Photo by Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic)
THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO -- Episode 647 -- Pictured: (l-r) Actress Tori Spelling during an interview with host Jay Leno on March 7, 1995 -- (Photo by: Margaret Norton/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images)
Tori Spelling (Photo by Jim Smeal/WireImage)
Tori Spelling at the Mann's Village Theater in Westwood, California (Photo by Steve Granitz/WireImage)
Tori Spelling during Planet Hollywood Beverly Hills Grand Opening at Planet Hollywood in Beverly Hills, California, United States. (Photo by Jim Smeal/WireImage)
Tori Spelling (Photo by Steve Granitz Archive 1/WireImage)
Brian Austin Green, Gabrielle Carteris, Joe E. Tata, Vincent Young, Ian Ziering, Jennie Garth, Luke Perry & Tori Spelling (Photo by Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic, Inc)
Tori Spelling (Photo by Jim Smeal/WireImage)
Tori Spelling (Photo by SGranitz/WireImage)
Tori Spelling (Photo by SGranitz/WireImage)
Tori Spelling during Women With Heart Auction At Christies at Christie's in Los Angeles, California, United States. (Photo by Iris/WireImage)
Tori Spelling (Photo by Tony Barson/WireImage)
Tori Spelling during 'Sol Goode' DVD Release Party at Club 1650 in Hollywood, California, United States. (Photo by Jean-Paul Aussenard/WireImage)
Jamie Kennedy & Tori Spelling during Jamie Kennedy Book Release Party at Shelter in West Hollywood, California, United States. (Photo by Barry King/WireImage)
Tori Spelling and Jason Priestley during 'Silver Spoon Dog and Baby Buffet Benefitting Much Love Animal Rescue - Day One at Private Residence in Beverly Hills, California, United States. (Photo by Jean-Paul Aussenard/WireImage for Silver Spoon (formerly The Cabana))
Tori Spelling, engaged to Charlie Shanian, shows her new ring at the Hollywood & Highland in Hollywood, California (Photo by Gregg DeGuire/WireImage)
Tori Spelling during CA Boom Opening Night Extravaganza at Santa Monica Civic Auditorium in Santa Monica, California, United States. (Photo by Chris Polk/FilmMagic)
Tori Spelling (r) and husband Charles Shanian during 16th Carousel of Hope Presented by Mercedes-Benz to Benefit the Barbara Davis Center for Childhood Diabetes - Arrivals at The Beverly Hilton in Beverly Hills, California, United States. (Photo by Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic)
NEW YORK - FEBRUARY 05: Actress Tori Spelling attends the Ann Bowen Fall 2005 show during Olympus Fashion Week at Bryant Park February 5, 2005 in New York City. (Photo by Thos Robinson/Getty Images)
Tori Spelling during American Eagle Outfitters 'Live Your Life' Awards Celebration at American Eagle Outfitters Flagship Store in New York City, New York, United States. (Photo by Jemal Countess/WireImage)
Tori Spelling during VH1 Big in '05 - Red Carpet at Sony Studios in Los Angeles, California, United States. (Photo by Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic)
NEW YORK - MARCH 31: Tori Spelling (L) and Dean McDermott (R) attend Tori Spelling promoting her new VH1 scripted comedy 'So Notorious' at XL Lounge March 31, 2006 in New York City. (Photo by Amy Sussman/Getty Images)
Tori Spelling (Photo by Dimitrios Kambouris/WireImage)
Tori Spelling at Principessa during 2007 Silver Spoon Golden Globes Suite - Day 2 in Los Angeles, California, United States. (Photo by Matthew Simmons/WireImage for Silver Spoon (formerly The Cabana))
NEW YORK - NOVEMBER 09: Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott arrive at the 2007 Out 100 Awards at Cipriani Wall Street on Novemeber 9, 2007 in New York City. (Photo by Dimitrios Kambouris/WireImage)
LOS ANGELES, CA - NOVEMBER 09: Tori Spelling and daughter Stella at the launch of TotSpot.com sponsored by Little Tikes and benefiting Generation Rescue at the Treehouse Social Club. (Photo by Chris Polk/FilmMagic)
NEW YORK - FEBRUARY 19: Actress Tori Spelling poses backstage at Christian Siriano Fall 2009 during Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week at The Salon in Bryant Park on February 19, 2009 in New York City. (Photo by Steve Mack/FilmMagic)
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA - FEBRUARY 27: Actress Tori Spelling arrives at the 19th Annual Elton John AIDS Foundation's Oscar viewing party held at the Pacific Design Center on February 27, 2011 in West Hollywood, California. (Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images)
HOLLYWOOD, CA - JULY 16: Actress Tori Spelling attends the 29th annual Gay & Lesbian Film Festival's premiere of 'Hoarders: Untold sTORI' at John Anson Ford Amphitheatre on July 16, 2011 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by David Livingston/Getty Images)
LOS ANGELES, CA - APRIL 21: Tori Spelling attends the 17th Annual Los Angeles Times Festival Of Books - Day 1 at USC on April 21, 2012 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Jonathan Leibson/FilmMagic)
BEVERLY HILLS, CA - MAY 10: Actress Tori Spelling and children Finn Davey McDermott (L) and Hattie Margaret McDermott attend The Helping Hand of Los Angeles' Annual Mother's Day Luncheon at the Beverly Hills Hotel on May 10, 2013 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by David Livingston/Getty Images)
NEW YORK, NY - JUNE 24: Tori Spelling attends the 'Mystery Girls' Screening hosted by The Moms at Park Avenue Screening Room on June 24, 2014 in New York City. (Photo by John Lamparski/WireImage)
CULVER CITY, CA - AUGUST 22: Tori Spelling attends the LG 'Fam To Table' series at The Washbow on August 22, 2015 in Culver City, California. (Photo by Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic)
HIDE CAPTION
SHOW CAPTION
of
SEE ALL
BACK TO SLIDE

While speaking with Us, McDermott also gave some advice to Jana KramerandMike Caussin, who have been facing their own marital issues. The actor said he is “hoping that for this couple, things have changed” since True Tori was on the air. He added that he hoped people “are a little more open” to hearing about “the trials and tribulations” that they’re going through.

In 2016, Us broke the news that Caussin, 32, had cheated on the country singer, 35, with multiple women. Caussin also sought treatment for sex addiction. The couple, who share daughter Jolie, 3, and son Jace, 11 months, separated but reunited the following year. On the pair’s podcast “Whine Down,” Kramer revealed that the former Washington Redskins player had suffered a “massive” sex addiction relapse in 2018.

Read Full Story