Ariana Grande says she's reliving emotional trauma on tour: 'It is hell'

Listening to Ariana Grande songs may be heaven for her fans, but performing them is “hell” for the singer. 

The pop star, who released two deeply personal albums back to back within six months, revealed the toll on her well-being of belting them out each night on tour. 

Grande kept it extremely candid with fans on social media Thursday as she discussed the ups and downs of mining her personal traumas for songwriting material.

The “7 Rings” singer’s life has been rocked by a terrorist bombing outside her May 2017 concert in Manchester, England, and the September 2018 death of her ex-boyfriend, rapper Mac Miller. Shortly after Miller’s death from an accidental overdose, Grande called off her whirlwind engagement to “Saturday Night Live” star Pete Davidson. 

When a fan tweeted at Grande, “Music is your therapy and I love seeing it heal you,” she revealed that her life was not as sweet as it might seem, even though her albums are sitting pretty at the top of the charts.  

“Making it is healing,” the Grammy winner replied to the fan in a since-deleted tweet captured by E! News. “Performing it,” she added, “is like reliving it all over again and it is hell.” 

Fans immediately responded with love, encouraging Grande to take all the time she needs for the sake of her mental health. Some said they “wouldn’t be mad” if she scrapped the tour she kicked off in March promoting her two hit albums “Sweetener” and “thank u, next.”

The tour has stops scheduled worldwide through October. Grande also wrapped up a tour-de-force performance at Coachella over the weekend with special guests *NSYNC and Nicki Minaj. 

She insisted she’ll continue her tour, despite the pain. 

“I just am sharing. it’s hard and i’m trying and my soul is confused and tired and i love u,” she wrote on Twitter. In another tweet, she added: “i just feel empty and i wanna have more to say / better energy to give to u and rn i don’t have anything. love u.” 

Grande noted that her performing schedule does have a positive side, because “having a routine is good for ptsd.”

Grande has opened about post-traumatic stress disorder she has been suffering since the Manchester bombing. 

“It’s hard to talk about because so many people have suffered such severe, tremendous loss. But, yeah, [the PTSD is] a real thing,” Grande said back in 2018. She added: “I feel like I shouldn’t even be talking about my own experience – like I shouldn’t even say anything. I don’t think I’ll ever know how to talk about it and not cry.” 

Last week she shared brain scans that she suggested show PTSD damage.

Grande revealed she’s considering tweaking the set list for her tour in coming weeks. Her performances have been featuring songs like “No Tears Left To Cry,” which is dedicated to the Manchester victims, and “thank u, next,” which mentions all of her exes, including Miller, by name.  

“i’m not going anywhere,” she assured fans. “and if it gets to a point where i need to, i’ll tell u. i love seeing u and would never trade it for anything.”

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Ariana Grande attending the Cast of the Broadway Musical 13 Handprint Ceremony at Planet Hollywood in New York City. October 30th, 2008 (Photo by Walter McBride/Corbis via Getty Images)
Actress Ariana Grande arrives at Variety's 3rd annual 'Power of Youth' event held at Paramount Studios on December 5, 2009 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Alberto E. Rodriguez/WireImage)
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Ariana Grande attends Nickelodeon's celebration of the 8th Annual Worldwide Day of Play at The W Hotel on September 23, 2011 in Washington, DC.
UNIVERSAL CITY, CA - OCTOBER 23: Actress and singer Ariana Grande arrives at Camp Ronald McDonald For Good Times' 19th Annual Halloween Carnival at Universal Studios on October 23, 2011 in Universal City, California. (Photo by Amanda Edwards/Getty Images)
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HOLLYWOOD, CA - DECEMBER 01: Actress Ariana Grande attends the opening night of 'Wicked' at the Pantages Theatre on December 1, 2011 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by David Livingston/Getty Images)
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PASADENA, CA - DECEMBER 12: Ariana Grande poses for a photo on Opening Night of 'A Snow White Christmas' at the Pasadena Playhouse on December 12, 2012 in Pasadena, California. (Photo by Earl Gibson III/WireImage)
SUNRISE, FL - DECEMBER 20: Ariana Grande participates in Y 100 Jingle Ball at BB&T Center on December 20, 2013 in Sunrise, Florida. (Photo by Aaron Davidson/WireImage)
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NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 28: Ariana Grande attends the 2016 MTV Video Music Awards on August 28, 2016 in New York City. (Photo by John Shearer/Getty Images for MTV.com)
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NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 20: Ariana Grande attends the 2018 MTV Video Music Awards at Radio City Music Hall on August 20, 2018 in New York City. (Photo by Kevin Mazur/WireImage)
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