Carrie Underwood choked back tears as she revealed she has suffered three miscarriages in the last two years.
Underwood is currently expecting her second child with NHL star husband Mike Fisher, but getting to that point was no easy feat for the country darling.
“2017 just wasn’t how I imagined it. I’d kind of planned that 2017 was going to be the year that I work on new music and have a baby,” she told “CBS Sunday Morning” in an emotional interview.
“I got pregnant early 2017 and it didn’t work out. It happens… Got pregnant again in the spring, and it didn’t work out. Got pregnant again, early 2018. Didn’t work out.”
The “Cry Pretty” singer, 35, said that at first, she chalked it up to God’s plan, and poured her feelings into her music.
“Throughout the whole process, I’m writing, and literally right after finding out that I would lose a baby, I’d have a writing session. I’d be like, ‘Let’s go, I can’t just sit around thinking about this,” she said. “I want to work, I want to do this because I would literally have these horrible things going on in my life and then have to go smile and do some interviews or do a photo shoot or something.”
Underwood said that she tried to rationalize the pain of losing the babies with the fact that she already had “the sweetest” child in 3-year-old son Isaiah.
“I had always been afraid to be angry because we are so blessed… (Isaiah is) the best thing in the world, and I’m like, if we can never have any other kids, that’s OK because he’s amazing,” she said. “Can I be mad? No. And I got mad.”
The “American Idol” winner said that after she thought she lost another baby, she channeled her feelings into a talk with god, and questioned why she kept getting pregnant if she was unable to have a child.
“’Either shut the door or let me have a kid,’” she recalled saying before learning days later that the child was healthy.
The singer and Fisher, who tied the knot in 2010, welcomed son Isaiah in February 2015. They announced last month they were expecting baby No. 2 in a social media video.
“Mike and Isaiah and I are absolute over the moon and excited to be adding a little fish to our pond,” she said. “This has been a dream come true with the album and baby news and all that stuff.”
The announcement came days after Underwood drew criticism from an interview with Redbook in which she said that at her age, she thought she may have missed the boat on growing her family.
“I’m 35, so we may have missed our chance to have a big family,” she said. “We always talk about adoption and about doing it when our child or children are a little older.”