"I've ruined everyone's fairy tale. My heart hurts so bad," Nikki said of her cancelled wedding. “... Even though I was going through depression, I think when you have a relationship in the public eye, it’s like you don’t want to let your fans down."
Nikki continued, "Everyone’s fairy tale was John and I getting married, Superman and Wonder Woman finally found each other. This is everyone's happily ever after. So you just force yourself to believe it, too, even if you start to feel something different."
While Nikki is ready to start finding herself, she does still have hope that she and John could get back together in the future.
"I feel like I’m starting the journey of finding me again… and when I heal myself and find whats wrong with me, he will be there. And if not, it wasn’t meant to be,” she concluded.
The couple called off their engagement for the first time back in April, but have been rumored to have reconciled since. After a source told ET that those rumors were false, Nikki confirmed that the she and John were "just friends."
“He is not only my best friend, but he truly is one of the best people I have ever met, and he has patience with me and he has really taught me a lot over the last few months, and I think one of those things is an inner strength that I thought I had, but didn't realize how strong I had it,” she said in a vlog post earlier this month. “... Hopefully one day we will get back together. And if we don't, we just want each other to be very, very happy.”