“Oh the darkness. Oh the dark thick pain of loss. The selfishness,” the Top Gun star, 58, captioned a photo of Bourdain, who was found dead at age 61 in his hotel room in Strasbourg, France, earlier on Friday. “How many moments away were you from feeling the love that was universal. From every corner of the world you were loved. So selfish. You’ve given us cause to be so angry.”
Kilmer wrote that a “spiritual guide” once told him that “suicide is the most selfish act a human can execute.” He continued, “Those of us that knew you are shocked and angry and angry and angry selfishly angry, for what you just did to us. Millions I should think. At least a million people like me who imagine they know you. Some imagine they know you even well.”
The Doors actor went on to ask the late TV personality — who had been open about his past addictions — a series of rhetorical questions, including, “Did you relapse?” and “Did you suffocate?” He then seemingly compared Bourdain’s death with his own battle with throat cancer.
“Would you have taken your life two years ago when like me you were unable to take in food and move it with your tongue over your taste buds because your tongue was too swollen? Is too swollen,” he wrote. “I think and dream and plan on eating and tasting and enjoying every meal I’ve ever enjoyed and every meal I’ve learned to enjoy in my imagination, Altho [sic] I’ve never met a meal I didn’t like in the last 40 years except anything with too much cilantro.”
Kilmer concluded his post, “I fell asleep to watching you enjoy Uruguay [on Parts Unknown] last night. It was a rerun but I always find something I didn’t see before… you left too soon. And I’m going to prove it.”
Several fans called the Top Secret! actor’s message “insensitive” and “clueless,” with one critic writing, “Wow just wow it’s attitudes like this that make having this invisible illness deadly!” Kilmer replied in the comments section: “Clearly you miss my whole point love. I believe that Love can heal. It is not that I believe because he had an illness it was up to him to be solely responsible. You I am sorry to say, didn’t read what I wrote very carefully.”
If you or someone you know is in emotional distress or considering suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).