Dancing With the Stars: Who will win season 25? We've set the odds!

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and the constant cycle of B-list celebrities who want to dance for a shiny trophy.

The 25th season of Dancing With the Stars kicks off Monday (ABC, 8/7c), bringing with it a brand-new crop of singers, pro sports players and, uh, whatever Nick Lachey does these days, all of whom will vie for the coveted Mirrorball for the next three months.

But before these 13 pseudo-celebs can try to dethrone last season's champ Rashad Jennings, we've made our own predictions of who will go the distance (Debbie Gibson!) and who won't (sorry, Barbara Corcoran) in Season 25.