This might be the funniest real estate listing we've ever read

A Travel Guide to Birmingham, Alabama
A Travel Guide to Birmingham, Alabama

We've seen eloquently written real estate listings for luxurious and quirky homes—long, drawn out adjectives and picture-perfect descriptions aplenty.

But we've never read anything quite like this listing for this Birmingham, Alabama home. To be honest, the copy alone would probably be enough to make us want to place a bid on this place.

Immediately described as "the perfect starter home to show your parents and friends that you have it together," this home boasts two bedrooms and two bathrooms.

Never fear -- the master suite is big enough in case you want to "avoid your guests" by hiding out in there.

In the event that you do feel like socializing and entertaining, take a walk down to the kitchen complete with granite countertops and "a large pantry which is perfect for storing your gluten-free Bisquick." Score.

Take a look at the charming Birmingham home below:

Location is everything in real estate, which this home has locked down. For starters, the seller ensures that "you will have no problem getting your fit bit steps in each day."

The property is walking distance from all of the downtown shops, restaurants and trendy workout joints (where you can "throw on your Lululemon and work it off," of course).

And if Birmingham itself didn't already seem appealing, the seller promises that the home provides ample outdoor space so that you'll be able to enjoy at least "one of Birmingham's three spring days."

We'll take three over zero any day!

If kids are a part of your family, you're in luck, as getting them to school will become infinitely easier as you'll be within walking distance of it.

SEE ALSO: This Washington home is essentially one giant balcony

This means that you'll be able to "just toss [your kids] over the fence in the backyard to get them there quicker because you are running behind because getting a kid ready in a timely fashion is difficult."

It should also be noted that the seller includes the disclaimer to not throw kids. Good move.

The home also has a giant basement for storage or finishing, so feel free to "tell your mom the home has a basement 'in case of storms' and she will almost certainly nod in approval." You're welcome, mom.

The house is on the market for $299,999.

View the entire listing in all of its absurdity here.

Check out this other southern home in Georgia with some pretty interesting decor:

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