It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, right? Well, this story is for the losers who may lose their minds after they lose a relationship.
Bela Gandhi is here to help. Gandhi is the founder and president of Smart Dating Academy, one of the top personal consulting firms in the country, and she is a matchmaking maven. Her business is responsible for about two engagements or committed relationships per month, and she's here to clear up some questions you may have when dealing with ex-relationships.
So, Bela, is it ever OK to communicate with your ex?
Stop all contact. Because you have oxytocin, which is the attachment hormone, which has bonded you chemically. So studies show that even if you smell the same scent that this person wore, you can have an oxytocin burst. If you hear their voice on the phone, you can have a little burst, which continually reattaches you to your ex.
So what happens when you're not the weak one, and you're the strong one, and maybe you ended it, and that person is still reeling and in pain. What do you do?
BG: Talk to them on the phone. Take it off of text and say, you know what, how about we talk on the phone today for 10 minutes. Then, you've put a little limit on it and say I have something quick to tell you. But let's talk about this. I want you to heal. I want you to feel better. And I know you're in a place of hurt right now.
And I think the best thing to do is to take a break from communicating. I'll tell clients, look, if you are really having a hard time with getting over this person, let's have a little ceremony. Take everything that they've given you, everything that reminds you of this person, dig a hole, and bury it. Or burn it. You need to symbolically get rid of everything because all of those things, even the photos on your Facebook!
Best tech gadgets for Valentine's day:
Valentine's Day 2015: 10 Best Tech Gadgets (TechBargains)
Tablets are one of the most wished for gifts. If they are always staring at their phone, give them a larger screen to share YouTube videos, shop online, read or surf FaceBook. The Amazon Fire packs a lot of functionality without breaking the bank. At under $50, it's our top pick.
If you want to go all out, we suggest the larger 8" Amazon Fire HD8 which is perfect for the reader in your life. It includes a 1-year subscription to Kindle Unlimited eBooks and a rustic leather cover valued at $80.
Microsoft's Band 2 is an awesome gift for those who live an active lifestyle. This comfortable curved band goes beyond tracking steps and measures your heart rate, GPS maps your bike or runs, monitors your sleep quality and analyzes all this data to help you understand and take actions to improve your health. Plus get instant notification on emails & calls so you won't lose track of what's going on. Includes a large $75 Dell gift card for you to use on other electronics, computers, or get a matching band at a $75 discount.
For the avid reader, it's hard to imagine a better gift than the Kindle Paperwhite. It's far lighter than a paperback but can carry thousands of books. This latest generation has a sharper & easier to read text that previous generation. It can be read in bright sunlight or in the dark thanks to its built-in light. Adjust the font size to suit you. This will change the way they read books in a format that suits them.
For the occasional reader, the Kindle has the same functionality without a built-in light.
The music lover will love this speaker and you will love the price. This sleek 7" speaker can easily be taken to the beach or seamlessly sit atop a desk filling any area with CD quality streaming music. It can run up to 10-hours, connects wirelessly over bluetooth, and pairs quickly and easily with any NFC device.
The Echo is one of those inventions you will wonder how you ever did without. If your significant other has a to-do list that's a mile long this little digital personal assistant can easily knock off a few tasks. Alexa can set alarms for you, reorder items you've run out of from Amazon, play music, quickly find answers to a question and if you have home automation will allow you to control the lights and more with a simple voice command.
The aspiring chef will love this device. It's safer and easier to use than a conventional pressure cooker and has multiple functions that allows you to sear, slow cook, cook rice, steam or simply keep food warm. Create soups and stews in a fraction of the time. This has earned a permanent spot on our kitchen top and at Amazon over 1800 reviews gave it a 4.6 star average rating out of 5.
For those who need a splash of personality with their headphones, these Beats by Dre headphones don't compromise on sound or build quality. These lightweight headphones can fold up for travel and are made to last through any bumps or scrape. There are two inputs so that you plug in another set of headphones and share what you are listening to or use the rotating earcups and share a single set. Amazon sells these for around $200 but you can get them today for over 50% off at Groupon.
This little wake-up light will wake you up as nature had intended, by the light of the sun. The Philips wake-up light mimics the colors of a sunrise and gradually increases the brightness allowing your body to gradually wake-up. Clinical research has shown it to improve mood & energy levels, which is especially helpful during these winter months. Get it now as this is the lowest price we've seen from Amazon.
If your significant other loves taking pictures and sharing them, this is your opportunity to turn it into a gift. For a limited time, get a special promotional price on these canvas wrapped frames which generally sell for 2 to 3 times the price we see today. Hang their favorite photo on the wall so they can see it everyday and share it to those who come to visit, all without a phone.
Take your relationship to the next level by getting a plan together on T-Mobile. Currently they are offering one their best smartphone promotions with a buy one get one 50 percent off smartphones when you call in 1-800-507-0969. You can also sign-up for their excellently priced smartphone plans, which is only $120 for unlimited 4G data, voice and text. Lastly, you can also get up to $650 back in termination fees when you cut ties with your current wireless service.
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What about listening to sad songs on repeat?
For a while. Eat that ice cream. Binge eat! Do whatever you want, but then you have to put a limit on that because it's going to ultimately drag you down into a hole and you're going to come out of the hole 20 pounds heavier, a lot more miserable.
What about drunk texting?
That breaks the no contact rule! It means, I went out, to try and forget about you, and now I'm wasted. and I'm only thinking you. Sometimes I tell people, take a week of dating detox for every month you were together. Dating detox means no boys.
If you're out of this relationship and you're like, I can show them, look at all these people I got lined up, is that healthy?
No...it might be good for your self-esteem to know that people are attracted to you, but then doing it from a place of hate and anger will never lead you to a good decision. You will feel worse in the morning, or worse, you will end up rebounding with someone who is really not good for you.
Final tip: Keep your head up, boo boo. You are going to get over this.
Sometimes it feels like this pain and grief will never go away. And this is the only person on Earth that you're ever going to feel that way about again, but this is patently false. You will find someone who loves you in a way that you deserve to be loved. And fun tip, always be with someone who likes you a little more than you like them.