It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, right? Well, this story is for the losers who may lose their minds after they lose a relationship.
Bela Gandhi is here to help. Gandhi is the founder and president of Smart Dating Academy, one of the top personal consulting firms in the country, and she is a matchmaking maven. Her business is responsible for about two engagements or committed relationships per month, and she's here to clear up some questions you may have when dealing with ex-relationships.
So, Bela, is it ever OK to communicate with your ex?
Stop all contact. Because you have oxytocin, which is the attachment hormone, which has bonded you chemically. So studies show that even if you smell the same scent that this person wore, you can have an oxytocin burst. If you hear their voice on the phone, you can have a little burst, which continually reattaches you to your ex.
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So what happens when you're not the weak one, and you're the strong one, and maybe you ended it, and that person is still reeling and in pain. What do you do?
BG: Talk to them on the phone. Take it off of text and say, you know what, how about we talk on the phone today for 10 minutes. Then, you've put a little limit on it and say I have something quick to tell you. But let's talk about this. I want you to heal. I want you to feel better. And I know you're in a place of hurt right now.
And I think the best thing to do is to take a break from communicating. I'll tell clients, look, if you are really having a hard time with getting over this person, let's have a little ceremony. Take everything that they've given you, everything that reminds you of this person, dig a hole, and bury it. Or burn it. You need to symbolically get rid of everything because all of those things, even the photos on your Facebook!
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What about listening to sad songs on repeat?
For a while. Eat that ice cream. Binge eat! Do whatever you want, but then you have to put a limit on that because it's going to ultimately drag you down into a hole and you're going to come out of the hole 20 pounds heavier, a lot more miserable.
What about drunk texting?
That breaks the no contact rule! It means, I went out, to try and forget about you, and now I'm wasted. and I'm only thinking you. Sometimes I tell people, take a week of dating detox for every month you were together. Dating detox means no boys.
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If you're out of this relationship and you're like, I can show them, look at all these people I got lined up, is that healthy?
No...it might be good for your self-esteem to know that people are attracted to you, but then doing it from a place of hate and anger will never lead you to a good decision. You will feel worse in the morning, or worse, you will end up rebounding with someone who is really not good for you.
Final tip: Keep your head up, boo boo. You are going to get over this.
Sometimes it feels like this pain and grief will never go away. And this is the only person on Earth that you're ever going to feel that way about again, but this is patently false. You will find someone who loves you in a way that you deserve to be loved. And fun tip, always be with someone who likes you a little more than you like them.
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