If there is one thing the Republican presidential candidates can agree on, it's that President Obama is responsible for most, if not all, of the world's many problems. Since they also think that Obama is "weak" and "incompetent," it is not exactly clear how he managed to accomplish this laundry list of doom in less than eight years.
As the remaining candidates seeking the GOP nomination ramp up their efforts before the Iowa caucuses — slowly crafting a version of America so terrible that it would probably make Stephen King wake up in a cold sweat, weeping with terror — here is a brief rundown of all the things that are or were wrong with the world, thanks to Obama, according to Republican presidential candidates past and present.* We'll let you assess each argument and determine how many of Earth's problems can be traced back to Obama yourself.
* Since Obama is reportedly to blame for everything, this list is incomplete.
1. ISIS, Definitely ISIS
Donald Trump: "They've created ISIS. Hillary Clinton created ISIS with Obama."
Rick Santorum: "ISIS is a creation of a political decisions by Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama to abandon Iraq against all of our general's recommendations against all the policy recommendations."
2. The Lack of Aerosol Hairspray
Donald Trump: "You can't use hairspray because hairspray is going to affect the ozone. They don't want me to use hairspray, they want me to use the pump."
3. Donald Trump
Jeb Bush: "I would argue that Donald Trump is in fact a creature of Barack Obama."
4. Violence AgainstPolice Officers
Scott Walker: "In the last six years under President Obama, we've seen a rise in anti-police rhetoric. Instead of hope and change, we've seen racial tensions worsen and a tendency to use law enforcement as a scapegoat."
Chris Christie: "The president's appointed FBI director has said this week that, because of a lack of support from politicians like the president of the United States, that police officers are afraid to get out of their cars and enforce the law."
5. The Paris Attacks
Donald Trump: "President Obama said 'ISIL continues to shrink' in an interview just hours before the horrible attack in Paris. He is just so bad! CHANGE."
6. Market Troubles
Donald Trump: "Markets are crashing - all caused by poor planning and allowing China and Asia to dictate the agenda. This could get very messy!"
7. National Debt
Chris Christie: "This president doesn't know how to say no to spending, doesn't know how to say no to a bigger and more intrusive government."
8. Potential Government Shutdowns
Ted Cruz: "What Barack Obama is doing for Planned Parenthood is radical, it's extreme, it's unreasonable. It's wrong for Barack Obama to threaten to shut down the government over the issue."
9. College Protests
Chris Christie: "I think part of this is a product of the president's own unwillingness and inability to bring people together."
Donald Trump: "Ebola has been confirmed in N.Y.C., with officials frantically trying to find all of the people and things he had contact with.Obama's fault"
11. The Fact That His Daughters Listen to Beyoncé
Mike Huckabee: "I don't understand how on one hand they can be such doting parents and so careful about the intake of everything – how much broccoli they eat and where they go to school and making sure they're kind of sheltered and shielded from so many things – and yet they don't see anything that might not be suitable for either a preteen or a teen in some of the lyrical content and choreography of Beyoncé."
12. The Fact That the World Is Going to Hell
Mitt Romney: "I find it troubling and revealing [that] the world around us is going to hell, and the president takes no responsibility."
13. The Fact That North Korea Is Testing Nuclear Weapons
Marco Rubio: "If this test is confirmed, it will be just the latest example of the failed Obama-Clinton foreign policy."
14. The Federal Data Breach
Lindsey Graham: "I fear the massive data breach at the Office of Personnel Management may turn out to be yet another example of America being walked over by rivals and adversaries. The Obama Administration's failures in foreign policy and national security continue to pile up yet they do nothing to change course."
15. Jade Helm Conspiracy Theories
Rick Perry: "Let's say that I were to become the president of the United States. I think there will be a clearly changed attitude toward that office, what comes out of that office, the messaging that comes out of that office that clearly puts America back on a course where people [trust the government]."
16. The Boston Marathon Bombing
Lindsey Graham: "The ultimate blame I think is with the administration. The FBI and the CIA are, they have great people but you know we're going backwards in national security. Benghazi and Boston to me are examples of us going backward."
17. New Jersey's Budget Shortfall
Chris Christie: "What we're being told initially is that this is the effect of the change in the law at the end of 2012 by the Obama administration and the Congress to increase tax rates on upper-level individuals."
18. The Mess in Iraq
Jeb Bush: "So eager to be the history-makers, they failed to be the peacemakers. It was a case of blind haste to get out, and to call the tragic consequences somebody else's problem. Rushing away from danger can be every bit as unwise as rushing into danger, and the costs have been grievous."
19. Undocumented Immigrants
Rick Perry: "I have to believe that when you do not respond in any way that you are either inept or you have some ulterior motive of which you are functioning from."
20. The Fact That Rick Perry Got Indicted
Rick Perry: "When you add the IRS scandal that's going on and the outside of the rule of law there, and then you look at what's happened in Austin, Texas, with this grand jury, I think there is some extraordinary concern in this country about the rule of law not being followed."
21. Gas Prices
Newt Gingrich: "The American people will know the President is still committed to his radical ideology, which wants to artificially raise the cost of energy."
22. Most of the Problems in the Middle East
Lindsey Graham: "He has neither the will nor the understanding of the Middle East. Evil is doing well on his watch and he has been a poor champion of freedom."
23. The Fact That The Interview's Release Was Canceled
John McCain: "But, make no mistake. The need for Sony Pictures to make that decision ultimately arose from the administration's continuing failure to satisfactorily address the use of cyber weapons by our nation's enemies."
Bobby Jindal: "The reason we have this refugee crisis today is absolutely – you can draw a straight line back to this president's failed policies."
25. The Conflict Between Israel and Palestine
Ben Carson: "Obama and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu have little personal chemistry and have frequently clashed would make sure that Israel knew that we had their back ... Because if their neighbors know that we're backing them up, they're not going to be anywhere near as aggressive."
26. Worsening Race Relations
Ben Carson: "I actually believe that things were better before this president was elected. And I think that things have gotten worse because of his unusual emphasis on race."
Mike Huckabee: "Chris Stevens died, Hillary Clinton lied, and the Obama administration tried to cover it up. Time to tell the truth! #Benghazi"
28. The Rapture
Michele Bachmann: "We in our lifetimes potentially could see Jesus Christ returning to earth and the rapture of the church. We see the destruction, but this was a destruction that was foretold. ... We are literally watching, month by month, the speed move up to a level we've never seen before with these events. Barack Obama is intent. It is his number one goal to ensure that Iran has a nuclear weapon."