Malia Obama attends a college party, allegedly plays beer pong

Malia Obama on the Set of Lena Dunham's Girls
Malia Obama on the Set of Lena Dunham's Girls

As more details of Malia Obama's pre-frosh visit to Brown surface, it really sounds like she got the full, authentic College Student Experience: She ate in the dining hall, slept in the dorms, went to a hall party, went off campus and got a burrito bowl at Chipotle — and then, in total authentic college fashion, someone leaked a Snapchat of her at a party.

Now, there's no need to worry. There wasn't anything revealing about the Snap, really. She was captured in the vicinity of a beer-pong table but not playing beer pong; she was near some college dudes but wasn't interacting with the dudes. In fact, she looked a little bit bored by the antics going on around her. (I always knew you'd have great taste, MaBama — my little nickname for her.)

But here's what is revealing: Our collective reactions to seeing our Malia Obama, the child we've watched grow into a teenager, attend a college party. This pretty much exposes how old we all are in our souls. Here's our best guesses for your age, based on how you responded to MaBama's beer-pong escapades:

"Man, college looks awesome!": roughly 15 years old, without a learner's permit.

"Dude, I totally want to hang out with Malia.": 24 and missing college.

"Oh my god, she looks so young!": 29 and missing college and your college metabolism before life ground it to a halt.

"Oh dear lord! Get her away from that young man.": 37 and in denial about missing college.

"Her hair looks perfect.": Inconclusive, could be any age.

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Originally published