(GRUB STREET) -- To remind enemies in the West that Russia is literally the place their delicious, but completely "illegal" Camembert, Nutella, and Mediterranean olives go to die, Vladimir Putin has unveiled a harsh decree: All Western food his goons find will now be destroyed, apparently by flame when possible.
Footage so far involves a lot of bulldozing, suggesting incinerators may be in short supply. Here's video of what RT — most days of the year, Moscow's propaganda arm — has taken to calling a "fromagicide":
It's a proud moment for Putin regardless. One reporter got invited to stand disconcertingly close to an active bulldozer and pretend to be excited:
It supposedly took an hour to crush around ten metric tons of bright orange-wrapped cheese by dumping it in a wasteland and slowly plowing it over countless times. Boxes arrived from Ukraine unmarked, but authorities at the food-safety agency, Rosselkhoznadzor, feel pretty strongly that it's "possible" the cheese was produced in one of the countries that fall under the sanctions. (Better safe than sorry.) In another part of the country, five truckloads of definitely-not-Russian tomatoes and stone fruit got smashed with a tractor as well. The plan for the gourmet cheese is just to bury it in the ground.
Photos of Vladimir Putin from over the years:
Russia is destroying Nutella, fancy cheese, and other western foods
Russian President Vladimir Putin holds a glass of champagne after a state awards ceremony at the Kremlin in Moscow, on March 10, 2016. AFP PHOTO / POOL / PAVEL GOLOVKIN / AFP / POOL / PAVEL GOLOVKIN (Photo credit should read PAVEL GOLOVKIN/AFP/Getty Images)
MOSCOW, RUSSIA. MARCH 1, 2016. Russia's president Vladimir Putin at the 7th congress of the Chamber of Commerce and Industry of the Russian Federation (CCI). Mikhail Metzel/TASS (Photo by Mikhail Metzel\TASS via Getty Images)
Russian President Vladimir Putin (R) and Defence Minister Sergei Shoigu leave Moscow's Red Square on May 9, 2015 after the Victory Day military parade. Russian President Vladimir Putin presides over a huge Victory Day parade celebrating the 70th anniversary of the Soviet win over Nazi Germany, amid a Western boycott of the festivities over the Ukraine crisis. AFP PHOTO / KIRILL KUDRYAVTSEV (Photo credit should read KIRILL KUDRYAVTSEV/AFP/Getty Images)
Russian President Vladimir Putin (R) speaks with the leader of Georgia's breakaway province of South Ossetia Leonid Tibilov during a meeting at the Kremlin in Moscow on June 1, 2015. AFP PHOTO / POOL / IVAN SEKRETAREV (Photo credit should read IVAN SEKRETAREV/AFP/Getty Images)
BUDAPEST, HUNGARY - FEBRUARY 17: Russian President Vladimir Putin (C) looks on as Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orban kisses the hand of a member of the Russian delegation during a signing ceremony of several agreements between the two countries on February 17, 2015 in Budapest, Hungary. Putin is in Budapest on a one-day visit, his first visit to an EU-member country since he attended ceremonies marking the 70th anniversary of the D-Day invasions in France in June, 2014. (Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images)
Russian President Vladimir Putin (R) meets with Iraqi Prime Minister Haider al-Abadi at the Kremlin in Moscow on May 21, 2015. AFP PHOTO / POOL / KIRILL KUDRYAVTSEV (Photo credit should read KIRILL KUDRYAVTSEV/AFP/Getty Images)
SOCHI, RUSSIA - MARCH 16: Russia President Vladimir Putin waves during the Sochi 2014 Paralympic Winter Games Closing Ceremony at Fisht Olympic Stadium on March 16, 2014 in Sochi, Russia. (Photo by Dennis Grombkowski/Getty Images)
Russian President Vladimir Putin gestures as he speaks during a joint news conference with Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe in Tokyo, Japan, December 16, 2016. REUTERS/Alexander Zemlianichenko/Pool
Discover More Like This
BACK TO SLIDE
So far, nearly 300,000 Russians have signed a Change.org petition pleading that the seized food be donated to anybody — orphanages run by pro-Russia separatists groups in Ukraine, if need be.
Agents at Rosselkhoznadzor warn that any wise guys who opt to "destroy" food by crushing it with their teeth and mercilessly dissolving it with stomach acid will face criminal charges.