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Watch Cristiano Ronaldo attempt to sell some weird Japanese product in this even weirder commercial

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We assume that a conversation between footballer Cristiano Ronaldo and his manager or agent or whoever sets up his endorsement deals goes something like this:

Manager: "They'll pay you to advertise this product that--"
Cristiano: "I'll do it."

NEWS: The U.S. women's soccer team won a record-setting third World Cup!

Last year, he was the face of Facial Fitness Pao. We still don't fully understand how it works, but it appears to be some sort of winged device you put in your mouth and it's supposed to make you smile better:


Now, it's the SIXPAD, which, according to a quick Japanese-English translation, is "training gear" with "unique technology" and is "revolutionary."

What exactly it does, we're not positive.

Basically we think it's like one of those ab belts from '90s infomercials?

"Do not stand out from the top of the clothes anywhere, anytime training," the YouTube description explains -- and would probably explain better if we had a better translation. "Wear­ only to grow muscles in the body, and contracted."

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At the end, he mostly just acts like he's full after eating a big meal:


Watch the full commercial below and see if you can figure out what's going on:


In a behind-the-scenes interview, Ronaldo claims he goes "way back" with the SIXPAD then explains, "When I look at this product, I see myself. If your desire is to have a fit body like mine, I think this will help you."

Cash that check. We guess.

Speaking of soccer, look back on the hottest players of the 2014 World Cup:

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