Why dinner dates should have never been invented
While millennials today seem to prefer sticking their tongues down complete strangers' throats to asking them out to dinner, we believe that dating hasn't fallen so far off people's radars that they can't empathize with the awkward encounters common to any dinner date.
When envisioning a dinner date, that adorable Lady and The Tramp scene in which the two animated dogs share a hearty bowl of spaghetti and eventually find themselves slurping the same piece comes to mind. It's with this image in mind that we find ourselves elated over the prospect of a dinner date. We spend hours tweezing, moisturizing, dressing, and polishing in preparation of what we hope will be a romantic evening.
Unfortunately, there is absolutely nothing romantic about attempting to come off as effortlessly charming and likable while simultaneously shoveling food into our gawking mouths. Whoever decided that dating and eating should be paired was seriously disturbed. Here are the unfortunate realities of wining and dining.
1. You get hair in your mouth. As soon as it happens, we can just hear our mother's nagging voice in our heads to move our hair away from our faces at the dinner table. Unfortunately, mom wasn't there to save us this time around. No worries...we're sure your date prefers your hair to smell like mac and cheese rather than floral shampoo anyway...or not.
2. Your food is too chewy. Oh boy...nothing is worse than the awkward silence between your date asking you a question and your mouth being unoccupied enough to answer. You want to keep the conversation going, but you're scared you might just joke on that stubborn piece of meat in the process.
3. The date gets cheesy. We all know the problem with those extra cheesy dishes from mac and cheese to grilled cheese to quesadillas. Fork scoops cheesy food, fork carried cheesy food to eater's mouth, eater and eater's date discover string of cheese dangling down eater's chin. Check please!
4. One date out-drinks the other. There's nothing like getting over first-date nerves than throwing back a little too much booze. Sometimes we don't even realize how strongly a drink hits us until it's too late. You now have to spend the remainder of the date attempting to sound coherent and charming while the annoying buzz in your head just won't stop pestering you!
5. The classic yet class-less spill. You could be the most well-mannered class act in the room but also the messiest eater. Nothing's more mortifying than dropping that ketchup-clad french fry onto the skirt of your white dress!
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