David Letterman said goodbye to more than 33 years in late-night television on May 20, but the 68-year-old former Late Show With David Letterman host can already list what he does and doesn't want as part of his retired life.
Letterman admitted in an interview with Indianapolis Monthly that he can't make his own phone calls due to his reliance on an assistant for the past three decades. "As it turns out, after all these years of having someone make my calls for me, I can no longer operate a telephone," Letterman said.
He continued: "It's stunning what you find out about yourself when everything you've done for 33 years changes. It's like ice melting out from under you. I know that regular, responsible people probably hear me whining like this and think, Oh, brother. But I'm trying to rehabilitate myself, so keep me in your thoughts and prayers."
David Letterman social reax
David Letterman on retirement: Yes to fishing, no to cycling and makeup
Tonight, Dave takes the stage of the Ed Sullivan Theater for the last time. https://t.co/UeGGfxHfNW #ThanksDave http://t.co/uQRrgkIsGx
It's absolutely absurd to thank David Letterman for all he's done in a tweet. But that's the world we live in now. #ThanksDave
Dear Dave- you really know how to make a gal feel like a trillion bucks. Thank you for it all. Love- Lena
And the new host of the late show is. http://t.co/sjbIdjs302
He hasn't said a word and I'm crying. #ThanksDave
Tonight is @letterman’s final Late Show.
We love each other so much. I will miss him so.
But look out -- I'll find him!! #ThanksDave
Dave sent me this after I was on once and it's one of my most prized possessions. Was always my favorite show to do. http://t.co/ShGtddbvr5
TV won't be the same without Dave. http://t.co/9q5NHTf3b5
Final time on this stage...#ThanksDave @Letterman http://t.co/p3B30iTFW8
Biggest lump in my throat saying #ThanksDave and #GoodbyeDavidLetterman I'm #crying thanks for the #laughs and #memories
Most of my 28 years of life i’ve watched David Letterman. Feels weird to see it end. Thanks for the entertainment. #ThanksDave #goodnight
My very first time on @letterman - I will never forget how comfortable you made me feel - I was SOOOOOOO nervous!!! #thanksdave for all of the amazing memories and laughs! #davidletterman #darkangel
.Everything that's already been said, yes.
We're also losing the most nattily dressed gentleman on late night.
#ThanksDave—for two decades of laughs, insights, and, yes, even pantsuit jokes. @Letterman, you're a legend. -H http://t.co/Cz9TDwTxAw
Congratulations to David Letterman, who I now believe is beginning his third career in show business.
Our homage to @Letterman - A shot for shot remake of his '82 opening https://t.co/AkBDbekhgb
i've known dave for over half of my life! you've been so supportive and kind to me since 1988 - good luck, dave, @paulshaffer and the @Letterman crew - thank you! #letterman
Gonna miss this man something awful. #DAVE http://t.co/PtPHVrbJGS
As a kid, I repeated Carson jokes to impress grownups.. I never got the jokes. Comedy was repeating sounds I memorized that got laughs on TV
And then Letterman appears. Dress pants and sneakers. Toast on a stick. Jokes I started getting. Comedy became a real thing. He was our dad.
You made it cool to be smart
You made it cool to be witty
This pic's truly a dream come true
Any other east coast 30 something's getting a little emo on the couch right now. It's just dust....dusty in here.... #ThanksDave
David Letterman, thank you for the laughs, both live and on air. May your family bring you joy and inspiration & may you laugh 4 all ur days
Growing up my house was always a #Letterman home. The older I got, the more I realized how cool that was. #ThanksDave #LateShow
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Though two of the women who previously worked with the former late-night host will continue supporting him for "awhile," he revealed that he doesn't know what to do with his hair without a grooming team. "I don't know what to do with my hair, either. But I'll never wear makeup again, so that's no problem."
In his three weeks of retirement, which he said is treating him "very well," Letterman has filled his time with sports and staying up on local news.
"I love fishing with my son. Any kind of trout fishing where you can stand in the river is just delightful," Letterman said about the outdoor sport. "I don't know what I'm doing, but I can stand in the river. I'm pretty good at that. And isn't that 90 percent of it?"
One sport he's beginning to avoid in his later years and leave to younger generations of men? Cycling.
"I'm starting to realize that I don't want to be found dead in a ditch somewhere," he said. "I'll leave cycling to younger men."