7 struggles of being in an undefined relationship
While we may try to come off as down to earth, super chill, and "not into labels," the reality is that women often feel a need to define aspects of our lives, namely our relationships. This is why it drives us insane when we find ourselves in the grey area between two definitive types of relationships.
You've met the guy, gotten past the hookup stage by going on a few dates and meeting his friends, but still haven't established yourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend. These are the struggles that accompany that uncomfortable existence within the grey phase:
1. Introductions. There's nothing more awkward than running into a family friend in town and introducing the new guy as your "um....friend." He's not your friend, but he's not your boyfriend. What the heck is he?!
2. Not knowing where the relationship is going. We appreciate spontaneity and excitement in our lives, but we also like to know that the relationship that consumes our thoughts and energy isn't about to hit a dead end.
We want to be cool and go with the flow, but if he thinks we're down to stay in the grey phase for too long, he has another thing coming.
3. Desperately wanting to know what he says about you to his friends. The friends play a very confusing role in the grey phase. They're either extremely friendly and invite you to their housewarming party next week (why didn't He invite you?), or they act like they don't even know you, which makes you think your guy never talks about you with them.
They either make you feel like the girlfriend or like the hookup because they just don't know how to handle the grey phase.
4. Dealing with judgment from your girlfriends. They're "just looking out for you" and want to make sure you're not "getting your hopes up," but at the same time, their constant questions and pressure to DTR (define the relationship) make you feel very suffocated.
They also make you wonder what's wrong with you that you can't get your act together and confront your guy about where you stand. Just know that they support you and care about your well-being. Confrontation is so much harder said than done! They're just trying to give you a nudge in the "right" direction.
5. Texting. While many of us tell ourselves we're too mature for the texting game, we still find ourselves analyzing the timing of his texts and trying to match his patterns. You don't want to come off as annoying, so you do everything possible to avoid the double text. But what if he hasn't responded to your "good morning" text and now you want to send him the video you found of tortoises eating tiny waffles?! Such a struggle.
6. Making plans. It's Tuesday afternoon. You're figuring out your schedule for the week, and while you'd like to assume that you can casually ask what the plan is for Saturday night, you're not sure if you're at that point yet.
Is it obnoxious to make plans on Tuesday for Saturday? Are you supposed to wait until Saturday afternoon and only hang out if neither of you has other plans? But you hate waiting until the last minute and you don't want to make other plans. You want to go out with him and you want to plan it now!
7. Getting serious feelings. It's all fun and games until you realize you actually really like this guy. You two get along so well, there's definite chemistry, and you share all the same values. He could be the real deal, but you have to keep your cool in case he doesn't feel the same way. Should you accept your status as it is and pretend to be fine with it, or should you end the relationship altogether because it's no longer working for you in the casual way that it used to?
To be honest, this is when confrontation becomes necessary. You know what you want, and now you need to see if he's on the same page. There's nothing scarier than exposing your emotions to someone with the ability to seriously affect them, but you can't pretend to be someone you're not. Cheesy as it sounds, be true to yourself and your feelings. If he's worth it, he'll respect you for your honestly and at least be willing to discuss it.
Click through this slideshow to see pictures of celebrities in undefined relationships:
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