Why we should stop pretending to be 'chill' and embrace the crazy
We've all tried to be that "chill" girl who takes ten minutes to get ready for a night out, drinks beer instead of fruity cocktails, and genuinely doesn't mind getting blown off at the last minute.
We try to be this girl because guys like this girl. They want us to be open to an "open relationship." They don't want to receive annoying texts from us every five minutes. They don't want us nagging them about coming to our best friend's dinner party. Girls who do those things are "crazy."
We know we're fooling ourselves when we take on supposedly "chill" characteristics. But what if we really like a guy and just want to spend more time with him? Is it so wrong to fudge a few aspects of our personalities if it improves our dating lives which contributes to our happiness?
Of course, some women really are "chill." They hang with the guys, they work the no makeup look, and they don't stalk their crushes on Facebook (and all of the girls who comment on his timeline). These women know who they are and they own it. Women who fake it lose themselves in the process.
In an effort not to be needy, women who fake it disregard their needs. Some people need more attention than others. Some need to be exclusive with the men they're seeing. Some even need to feel admired by the men they're seeing. There's nothing wrong with that.
Not being "chill" doesn't make us bad or wrong. It just makes us bad or wrong for the type of man who appreciates the "chill" factor in romantic potentials. It is an absolute fact that there are men out there who accept and perhaps even adore our tendency to take too long getting ready, our assumptions that they will attend all of our family events, and our insistence on defining the relationship.
More importantly, the one thing every guy appreciates more than any other personality trait is honesty. As cliche as it sounds (it's cliche for a reason!), when we lie about who we are and what we need, we only hurt ourselves. We resent the guys we date for not giving us what we want, but we can't blame them when we imply that we don't have such wants.
We waste our energy pretending not to care when we could be with someone who cares as much as we do. It's easier said than done, especially when we find a chill-seeker we really like. But that wouldn't be a healthy relationship and it could be detrimental to our confidence and self-knowledge.
Figure out who you are and what you want. If his desires don't match yours, say goodbye to the guy and say hello to Ben, Jerry, Harry, Sally....and maybe a glass or two (read: bottle) of wine. You'll come out stronger and better.
Instead of trying to fulfill a guy's checklist, we should take a note from TSwift and look for guys who fulfill our needs:
These female celebs are known to have a "chill" demeanor:
More from AOL.com:
You can't change the bad boy, so give the good guy a fair shot
How you know you're out of the 'honeymoon stage'
Lies pop culture told you about life as a twenty-something