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Exclusive interview with Rob Gronkowski ('s Twitter)

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By DJ GALLO

The greatest sports journalists score interviews with the biggest names in sports.

The rest of us, those without any access or credibility, get our exclusives from different sources. This is one such example: an interview with the Twitter feed of New England Patriots superstar tight end Rob Gronkowski.

Hi, Gronk.


How is your day going?


You sure do have to eat, Gronk. You are a man of science. What is your favorite food?


Lol. Really, though.


No doubt, Gronk. But I'm not here to talk food.


Gronk. No.


That's two steaks, Gronk!


Jeez.


Gronk! Come on, man. It's not even breakfast time. You better be careful with your diet. You're a professional athlete.


Well, as long as you're exercising.


Yeah.


Does the grind ever stop for you, Gronk?


Put a shirt on, Gronk. I'm a journalist. Show some respect.

I want to talk about DeflateGate, as it's being called. Now, Gronk, has it been difficult for you - you of all people - to not laugh all the time about people saying the word BALLS?


Old balls. Soft balls. Slippery balls. Hard balls.


It's amazing all that's being said. You just can't turn your TV down.


Exactly. That's what I'm saying. But the funny part aside, Gronk, there is the very serious subject of cheating. What's going on with you and your teammates?


I don't know what you mean. Do you mean coming up with new ways to cheat?

I'll put you down for a "maybe" on the coming up with new ways to cheat. But for the sake of argument, if you guys aren't cheating, how did the footballs deflate?


Lol. But, seriously. What do you think about the theory that the weather caused the air pressure in the footballs to drop?


The weather does be crazy. But I don't recall it being 69 recently.


Wait a minute ... are you just desperately trying to work "69" into our conversation, Gronk?


Oh, Gronk.

Now, give it to me straight: Is your team taking extraordinary measures to bend the rules?

Still pretty vague.

Bill Belichick claims he has no idea what's going on. Tom Brady says he has no idea what's happening. How could that be? Have you seen any other signs of tampering with the team?


Wait ... so someone is setting up fake accounts for you? Could someone really be tampering with your team and trying to bring them down?

Who do you think would do something like that?



Ohmigod. Follow him? No, Gronk! Aaron Hernandez is trying to bring you all down from behind bars!


It's very real, Gronk. You should be scared.


Hopefully not. But, yeah, you better run.


Good luck, Gronk. And thanks for the interview.

Related links

How the NBA's worst teams wound up sucking
Patriots vs. Seahawks same time next year?
An oral history of the Knicks' losing streak

For more sports coverage, please visit The Cauldron and follow SportsPickle on Twitter:@SportsPickle
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