By RYAN GORMAN
Newly-released court transcripts reveal convicted killer Jodi Arias was in denial over her crimes for two years before finally admitting her guilt.
Arias murdered ex-boyfriend Travis Alexander in 2008 but only confessed to the grisly stabbing in 2010, she said during October testimony in the penalty phase of her trial, according to court documents obtained by AOL News.
When asked by defense attorney Jennifer Wilmott why it took her so long to admit she killed Alexander, Arias said: "Because what I did was so horrific that I couldn't have – I could never have imagined myself doing that to another human being."
Arias also told her lawyer that those years of denial made it hard for her to even think about the crime.
The Arizona woman stabbed Alexander at least 27 times, slit his throat and shot him in the head June 4, 2008, according to investigators. His body was found by friends.
She was found guilty of the horrifying murder following a sensational 2013 trial that received national attention.
Arias repeatedly denied the murder when being questioned by police, something she admitted in court was also a lie.
Though admitting she committed the butchering, Arias still comes across as someone who has not fully reconciled what happened.
"I know who I am and who I have been my whole life," she testified. "For these few minutes out of my whole life, I was somebody that I wasn't and I couldn't – I couldn't even face that."
She also admitted to trying to cover her tracks by leaving Alexander a voicemail in the hours after she killed him, sending his grandmother flowers and even attending a memorial.
"I knew that by not showing up, it would look more suspicious," Arias admitted. "I showed up and tried to act as normal as I could."
Arias also talked about her childhood, but her repeated desire that May 8, 2008, the day she killed Alexander, never happened is what sticks out.
"This is somebody that I cared about and caused, I caused that pain," she said about seeing photos of his dead, mutilated body. "I wish that I could just do that whole day over again."