J.K. Rowling celebrates Halloween by releasing a wicked, new 'Harry Potter' story

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J.K. Rowling celebrates Halloween by releasing a wicked, new 'Harry Potter' story
WASHINGTON - APRIL 05: British author J.K. Rowling, creator of the Harry Potter fantasy series, points to the place on her forehead where her title character has a scar while reading 'Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone' during the Easter Egg Roll on the South Lawn of the White House April 5, 2010 in Washington, DC. About 30,000 people are expected to attend attended the 132-year-old tradition of rolling colored eggs down the South Lawn of the White House. (Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)
HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE 2001 Warner Bros film with Emma Watson, Daniel Radcliffe and Rupert Grint
J K Rowling attends the World Premiere of "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" at Leicester Square, London, 7th July 2009.
J K Rowling attends the World Premiere of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1, London, 11th November 2010.
Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint attends the World Premiere of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1, London
Harry Potter and the half blood prince london premier
(from L) British actors Rupert Grint, Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe arrive at the world premiere of 'Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince' in Leicester Square in central London on July 7 2009. The film is the adaptation of the final book in the long-running series about the magical life of the young schoolboy. AFP PHOTO/Leon Neal (Photo credit should read Leon Neal/AFP/Getty Images)
LONDON - SEPTEMBER 04: (EMBARGOED FOR PUBLICATION IN UK TABLOID NEWSPAPERS UNTIL 48 HOURS AFTER CREATE DATE AND TIME) Actress Emma Watson attends the after party following the UK premiere of ''Driving Lessons,'' at Hedges and Butler on September 4, 2006 in London, England. (Photo by Dave M. Benett/Getty Images)
Emma Watson, Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint (Photo by DMIPhoto/FilmMagic)
Actor Daniel Radcliffe at the N.Y. Premiere of 'Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone' at the Ziegfeld Theatre in New York City. 11/11/2001. Photo: Evan Agostini/ImageDirect
Actor Rupert Grint at the N.Y. Premiere of 'Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone' at the Ziegfeld Theatre in New York City. 11/11/2001. Photo: Evan Agostini/ImageDirect

Who's the baddest witch in town?

As fires burn and caldrons bubble for Halloween, J.K. Rowling has released a new story set in the Harry Potter world, a profile of the most despicable, the most deplorable, the pinkest villain to ever stalk the halls of Hogwarts: Dolores Umbridge.

And Rowling is also finally revealing how Dolores came to be.

"Long ago, I took instruction in a certain skill or subject (I am being vague as vague can be, for reasons that are about to become obvious), and in doing so, came into contact with a teacher or instructor whom I disliked intensely on sight," Rowling told TODAY.com.

"What sticks in my mind is her pronounced taste for twee accessories."

RELATED: Read another of J.K. Rowling's shorts about Harry at 34!

The new story – called simply, "The Story of Dolores Jane Umbridge" – is available to read on Pottemore.com or in full at TODAY.com. But here's everything you need to know about our latest trip back into the wizarding world:

he Was Born a Witch Bitch: Excuse our language, but if J.K. Rowling can openly despise her, we can too, right? Rowling says Dolores means sorrow, "Something she undoubtedly inflicts on all around her." And Umbridge is a play on "to take umbrage," or offence. As for Jane? "It simply felt rather smug and neat between her other two names." With that kind of name, how else was she supposed to turn out?

She's Always Been a Witch Bitch: As a child, Dolores "secretly despised" her parents: her wizard father, Orford ("for his lack of ambition"), and Muggle mother, Ellen Cracknell ("for her flightiness, untidiness, and Muggle lineage"). At the age of 15, she practically ran her own mother out of town and began telling people she was pure-blood. No wonder she ended up in Slytherin.

And She'll Always Be a Witch Bitch: After Hogwarts, Dolores immediately got hired as a "lowly intern in the Improper Use of Magic Office." More importantly, Rowling writes, "At seventeen, Dolores was judgemental, prejudiced and sadistic, although her conscientious attitude, her saccharine manner towards her superiors, and the ruthlessness and stealth with which she took credit for other people's work soon gained her advancement."

NEWS: J.K. Rowling disses 'Harry Potter' fan mad Dumbledore is gay!

She Tried to Sleep Her Way to the Top: Rowling doesn't get NSFW, but more demurely writes, "In spite of her best efforts to secure the affections of one of her superiors (she never cared particularly which of them it was, but knew that her own status and security would be advanced with a powerful husband), Dolores never succeeded in marrying." Instead, she preyed on the Minister for Magic, Cornelius Fudge's fears of Dumbledore to secure placement in Fudge's inner circle.

She Doesn't Even Like Cats: Which may come as a shock to some, considering Dolores' office is COVERED in kitty memorabilia. But Rowling writes, "As she grew older and harder...Dolores's taste in little girlish accessories grew more and more pronounced; her office became a place of frills and furbelows, and she liked anything decorated with kittens (though found the real thing inconveniently messy)."

Oh, and She's a Murderer: The profile names just about everyone Dolores hates (which is, basically...everyone: Non-magical humans, non-human creatures, etcetera) and says during her time at the Ministry of Magic, "nasty things tended to happen" to people who got on her bad side.

What kind of nasty things? The piece concludes by saying, "Dolores Umbridge was put on trial for her enthusiastic co-operation with [Voldemort's] regime, and convicted of the torture, imprisonment and deaths of several people (some of the innocent Muggle-borns she sentenced to Azkaban did not survive their ordeal)."

Dolores Umbridge was a monster. Which makes this piece all the more delicious for a Halloween read. And it's enough to tide us over until Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is released in 2016, right?

Maybe not. So watch this #TBT look back at Harry Potter's journey:

Happy Birthday Harry Potter!  Celebrate with This Adorable #TBT

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