As #houseporn fiends and real estate junkies, there's nothing we love more than poring through fabulous home listings -- except maybe sorting through the tragically un-fabulous ones. They'll definitely make you laugh, and some of them could make you cry. Every week, AOL Real Estate brings you the sorriest listings we could find on the Internet to show you what you should never do when posting your home online. We very appropriately call it #listingfail.
This Week's Theme: Useless Listings
We've written plenty about private islands for sale, so take our word for it when we say that this one does not classify. Though we love the idea of living on the water, this is definitely not what we had in mind. As cute as it is, what is the point of this listing?
We're not sure what this owner is trying to do: Show off her stone kitchen countertop? Her manicure? Subtly hint that she's drowning in bills, so could someone kindly buy her home?
Here's a useful tip, homeowners: Your photographs should say something about your home. The only thing this sorry, nonsensical photograph says is #listingfail.
You know, we hate to break it to these homeowners, but this ain't a wood floor. And even if it was, we'd generally advise against scrawling the description on the ground in red marker. We understand your concern that potential buyers could mistake the "wood floor" for (gasp!) laminate (or cardboard?), but that's what photo captions are for, people!
Lesson of the day: Do not draw on your house.
You can almost feel this homeowner silently begging: "I broke my leg and I'm bedridden. Please buy my house!" Well, that's the only reason we could come up with as to why in the world this utterly useless photograph made the listing's extensive gallery. Crutches don't sell houses, people! Hot naked people do.
For more hilarious, useless #listingfails, see the gallery below.
Listingfails: Totally Useless Listings
Totally Useless Listing Photos (Listing Fails)
Unless the owners are offering fruit as an incentive to buy this property, this listing photograph is pretty much useless. Although that is a pretty fine-looking avocado.
Yes, we get that your kid is cute. Everything about him, especially the way he brushes his teeth. But we strongly suggest you save these "precious moment" snapshots for family albums, not property listings. Get a grip, mom.
Nobody's going to look at your carpet or walls, however pretty they are, if there's a pile of trash in the middle of the room! That is just plain nasty. Homeowners: please throw out your trash. It's not that difficult.
Nobody cares what you're cooking for lunch -- especially if it looks like this! A totally unnecessary and useless listing photograph that unfortunately, you can never un-see.
Apparently, this is "Tommy the Turtle" and he endorses the home featured in the listing. Tommy says that the home's yard is "a migration path and lots of critters visit."
Oh yes. That's exactly what house hunters want in a potential home. Critters! Epically useless listingfail.
Kitty litter? Really? We have no words.
We spent ages trying to decide whether we thought this bear was cute or downright creepy and we couldn't. But we did, however, arrive at a consensus that he should not be in this listing photo.
(P.S. It only gets better. See next image).
An utterly pointless photo of a grimy, unremarkable windowsill.
We're not quite sure what kind of people think that the image of a gigantic dog peering into your kitchen and dining room is cute...
We guarantee that this image won't sell your house.
Nor will this image. You want potential buyers to think "Oooh!" not "Ughh..."