Ah, spring. Time to get the house in order. Or not.
You've re-set your clocks, the trees are budding, the daffodils are in bloom and the season has officially changed.
You're looking around your house at the stuff that has accumulated over the winter and decided it's time for a good clear-out.
Well, maybe next week. Or the week after that. Oops, gotta get started on the yard work.
It's spring-cleaning season, or as it's better-known at my house, it's "Yes, we could sure use a purge, but who's got time for that?" season.
Because even before you get to the spring "cleaning" part, you have to deal with the clutter that seemed to mate and reproduce since October:
All those books we keep meaning to read.
The unused paper plates and napkins that have been stacked on the kitchen counter since Christmas.
The mass of objects squatting where the dining room table used to be, awaiting a permanent home.
Sometimes that "a place for everything and everything in its place" adage is more of a cherished fantasy.
There's plenty of advice out there on de-cluttering if you're looking for it. There are books — from "Decluttering at the Speed of Life" to "The Sentimental Person's Guide to Decluttering."
And there are decluttering checklists. So many decluttering checklists … a quick Internet search will fetch thousands.
If you're not overwhelmed by the sheer volume of these offerings and find one that really works for you, congratulations. And if you go a step further and actually put it into practice, you are my new hero. And you're halfway to the spring-cleaning prize.
Because now comes the cleaning part.
And who better to help us with our spring cleaning than Martha Stewart and company, who can tell us how to clean things we didn't even know we needed to clean.
Just last month, marthastewart.com published the "ultimate spring-cleaning checklist," guaranteed to "give your home a total refresh."
I'm sure my house can use a "total refresh," and this guide promises to tell me what materials are needed and what to clean in every room, and, just so I don't forget anything, provides room-by-room cleaning checklists.
There's some good advice here, to be sure — beginning with setting a realistic schedule and focusing on one task at a time.
It's just that some of the "tasks" aren't necessarily realistic for those who aren't home management gurus.
For example, I'm trying to remember the last time I "polished" metal door and window hardware.
… Nope, can't.
There's one more reason to feel inadequate. I'm just imagining what my neighbors must be saying behind my back.
"Hey, did you notice how dingy the doorknob on Tammy's front door looks?"
"Why yes, we were talking about that just the other day. How on Earth could she let it get into such a state? Can't she see it?"
"Ever since the new dog arrived, that house has just gone to pot. I mean, just look at those little noseprints on the storm door."
Hey, if you ever get inside the house, please don't look at the baseboards.
Outside, the Martha Stewart checklist advises us to "wash the driveway."
OK, I can kind of see that; oil stains and sediment don't add much to the curb appeal. And power washers make cleaning concrete easier. But speaking strictly for myself, washing the driveway is way down on my cleaning list.
"And did you see how nasty that driveway looks?"
Well, sorry.
The one thing none of these checklists helps with, sadly, is the barrier that keeps many of us from attempting the task in the first place: finding the time, energy and motivation to do it.
Especially when the temperatures rise and tempt us to be out and about after being cooped up for so much of the winter.
The sun is out and it's a great time for a stroll. Where's the dog?
Excuse me while I rummage through the clutter to find her.
Kidnapped at 16. Enslaved, threatened, targeted. Ireland's patron saint was a survivor.
Messies, rejoice! Marie Kondo now says you're OK!
This article originally appeared on The Herald-Mail: Spring-cleaning advice abounds; now to find the time and energy for it
