The absence of gentleness is prevalent on social media and blog posts. It's all about attacking

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In one of his letters, Paul encourages the development and expression of the quality of gentleness. “Let your gentleness be known to everyone.” (Philippians 4:5).

“Come to me, all you who are weary and carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11: 28-30). Jesus, it seems, believes in the power of gentleness.

Both Jesus and Paul could have spoken of love or joy or compassion. Instead, they speak of gentleness. I wonder why?

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Gentleness is a spiritual practice that has been ignored, even set aside. We may speak of others as gentlemen or gentlewomen, but that is mostly about being polite. Over the last 50 years, several books have renewed an interest in the expression of virtues and the development of character. "After Virtue" by Alasdair MacIntyre. "A Community of Character" by Stanley Hauerwas. "A Book of Virtues" by William Bennett.

These writings have led to the introduction of a variety of character education programs in our schools, churches and other settings. Interestingly, none of these writings or programs mention gentleness.

Of course, this absence of gentleness is on display in social interactions in a variety of settings. Read the posts on social media and the comments on blog posts. It’s all about attacking the person with whom we disagree. This doesn’t show up just in political discussions. I read several religious and spiritual blogs, and the language of attack is just as prevalent.

We are in the middle of yet another electoral cycle. There has already been a lot of talk from people who are running, highlighting the qualities that make them a good candidate. None of them have talked about gentleness. In fact, talking about their gentleness would, most likely, be seen as a weakness. People want strong, passionate, action-oriented people who can make a difference. The implication is a person who is gentle can be none of those things. But I wonder.

I wonder because it seems that Paul and Jesus believe that the expression of gentleness can make a difference in the world. If that is true, maybe a place to begin is with a definition of gentleness.

In his article, "Recovering the Art of Gentleness," Michael Jensen describes gentleness as a “form of love that recognises (sic) the vulnerability in others and allows for it rather than exploits it.” Gentleness does not divide people into two groups: those who have vulnerabilities and those who do not. So, it is not about the strong and invulnerable cutting some slack to the weak and vulnerable. Gentleness believes that all of us have places where we are vulnerable. We want others to be aware of the places where we are flawed, and so, we, too, will be aware of that in others.

Gentleness is a virtue that can shape many of our actions. We can confront, or we can confront with gentleness. We can challenge, or we can challenge with gentleness. We can disagree, or we can disagree with gentleness.

Gentleness is just being polite and nice. Gentleness is not being shy or reserved. Gentleness is not trying not to make waves or get someone upset. A person can be strong and forceful and decisive … and still be gentle. After all, Jesus and Paul were two very strong personalities.

We need gentleness because we are all vulnerable. We need gentleness because our vulnerability can make us judgmental.

Gary Hardwick is a licensed professional counselor in Oklahoma and a retired Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) minister.

This article originally appeared on Oklahoman: Gentleness a virtue that can shape our actions. Paul and Jesus believed it.