Aaron Lazar Says He 'Agonized' Over Telling His Sons About His ALS Diagnosis: 'I Just Surrendered' (Exclusive)

The actors gets candid with PEOPLE about how sons Julian, 14, and Adrian, 12, have managed their dad's disease

Aaron Lazar had no idea how to break the news to his two sons that he had been diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS).

"I didn't tell them for the first year and a half because I didn't want to upset them," the stage veteran, 47, admits to PEOPLE in this week's issue. "As a father, you want to protect your kids, so I agonized over it because I didn't want to scare them. And there was so much about ALS I was still trying to understand, I didn't even know how I felt about it, let alone how to talk about it yet with others."

The actor — known for two decades of roles on Broadway and on tour in musicals like The Light of the Piazza, Dear Evan Hansen, A Little Night Music, The Last Ship and more — is father to sons Julian, 14, and Adrian, 12, whom he shares with ex-wife, LeAnn.

He was diagnosed with ALS in January 2022, six months after he started experiencing symptoms. The illness, which has no known cure, causes nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord to die, leading to a degeneration of muscle control causing one to become a prisoner in their own body, without the ability to move, speak, swallow and eventually, breathe.

Related: Actor Aaron Lazar Details the Road to His ALS Diagnosis and How He's Learned to 'Not Live Life Afraid' (Exclusive)

By the time Lazar went public with his diagnosis in an episode of the Carefully Taught: Teaching Musical Theatre with Matty and Kikau podcast that dropped on Jan. 2, he had come a long way in his thinking around ALS. Choosing to "not live life afraid," he says "I just surrendered" to the disease, explaining he was not going to fight it but instead focus on healing himself emotionally, spiritually and physically through a "very conscious, very disciplined" routine of holistic health.

That perspective of unwavering optimism is something Lazar's kids have adopted after he and his fiancée, Nawal Bengholam, sat down with them at a family event to break the news before he told the world.

"They were surrounded by love, and they really just go it," Lazar recalls of the conversation, "They've been really amazing, and that's because I think they see me in a place where I believe I'm going to heal. If didn't believe it, that would affect them in a certain way, but because I do and I have the full support of Nawal, my family and my friends, the boys feel that. That's just how we're doing this."

Related: Actor Aaron Lazar Details the Road to His ALS Diagnosis and How He's Learned to 'Not Live Life Afraid' (Exclusive)

Of course, that doesn't mean that the Lazar doesn't hold space for those feelings to change. "I don't have a guidebook for this," he says. "I've just tried to make sure, at every chance, that they still feel that love and that they know there's room in our house for their emotions. Whenever they need to be heard, I'm here. And there mom's really good at that, too."

As an example, Lazar recounts a conversation with his younger son, Adrian. "He got scared a couple of weeks ago," Lazar says. "Before bed he said, 'Dad, what happens if you don't beat it?' And both of my boys are great basketball players, but Adrian wants to really go for it and become a professional basketball player. So I said, 'You want to go to the NBA, right? Well, do you have a better chance of getter there if you believe you're going to make it? Or if you don't?' And he just smiled and he was like, 'Right.' That's what this is."

Lazar tells PEOPLE he's hopeful that that his sons take these life lessons with them forward in life.

"I don't stop with my kids. I'm sharing of whatever I'm learning," he notes. "Because this disease has changed me for the better. I'm healthier, mentally and spiritually and emotionally, than I've ever been. I'm happier than I have ever been. I'm a better father, a better partner, a better friend, a better actor and a better singer. I have empathy in ways I never have. I have understanding. And mostly, this disease has become a divine opportunity to love myself. As imperfect and disabled as I am right now, I love myself way more than I ever did when I was at the top of whatever 'success' was supposed to mean to me. So if my sons can learn that now? I'm like, 'You get a 30-year head start that I did.' "

Related: Aaron Lazar Says He Won't 'Fight' ALS After His Diagnosis: 'There's Nothing to Beat'

And it's not just his boys. The Filthy Rich star is spreading that message to anyone will listen, through ongoing speaking engagements and even an upcoming album.

"I have a really strong desire as my mission in life, both as a performer and a speaker, to not only help others heal but to help them find courage and resilience so that they can turn adversity into opportunities for success," Lazar says. "And though I wish I could have learned these lessons without ALS, I'm so grateful that my journey of healing can impact other people."

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While he moves forward with that, he continues to lean on the people in his life, including his "wonderful" fiancée Nawal, 47, who he has been dating since 2020. "She's an angel," he says. "She's the most positive, loving human being, and I'm lucky to have her in my life. "

"I truly have the most loving family and friends in the world," Lazar adds. "And I always knew that, but I feel it now and I appreciate it now on such a different level. The outpouring of love that has come my way, especially from the Broadway community? I'm so blown away, because you don't really know who people are until life gets hard. I feel so deeply grateful for all the love."

For more on Aaron Lazar, pick up this week's issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands now.

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