7 Money Issues That Can Lead To Divorce
In the early days of a marriage, when all you see are the things you love about your partner, it’s easy to forget about the little things that can split a couple apart. However, ask any long-wed couple, and they’ll tell you making a marriage work takes much more than love. Lasting marriages are built upon a foundation of trust, loyalty, respect and mutual goals. Most couples recognize this on emotional, physical and even spiritual levels; however, many fail to apply the same consideration to their finances.
Read Next: Net Worth for US Families: How To Tell If You’re Poor, Middle Class, Upper Middle Class or Rich
Find Out: 4 Genius Things All Wealthy People Do With Their Money
When spouses do not properly manage finances, struggle to talk to one another about money or cannot be honest about their individual spending, tension builds. In some cases, ongoing tension leads to separation or divorce.
1. Couples Don’t Talk About Financial Stress
Stress sets the stage for unhappiness, and finances are a big-time contributor to stress. A 2024 Fidelity Couples and Money Survey found that 45% of partners said they argue about money sometimes, and one in four couples say money is their top relationship challenge.
What makes financial stress worse, though, is that many couples don’t talk openly to one another about their money burdens.
“Talking about money is difficult for most couples, because we usually don’t grow up in our families having positive discussions about money,” said Melissa Divaris Thompson, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in New York City. “Money is something that can very quickly and easily go underground and not [get] talked about. It’s uncomfortable, and most families feel it’s too private to share even with adult children.”
Learn More: How Much Does the Average Middle-Class Person Have in Savings?
For You: How Can You Withdraw Money From a Bank Account? 3 Ways To Know
Tip: Ease Into the Conversation or Find an Advisor
Couples who do not currently talk about stress as it relates to finances should allow themselves to gradually open the discussion, rather than diving fully in at once, Divaris Thompson said. When you talk about money a little bit every day, your conversations will get easier and feel more normal.
Additionally, couples can meet with an objective third party, such as a financial advisor. A professional will guide your conversations, which will help prevent flare-ups and major disagreements.
“Meet with a financial planner or advisor. Sit down and talk openly about your financial picture and how you both want to grow,” Divaris Thompson said.
Trending Now: 6 Reasons the Poor Stay Poor and Middle Class Doesn’t Become Wealthy
2. One (or Both) Spouses Secretly Spends
Secret spending is another area that can get spouses in trouble — and which evokes very strong feelings. According to the Love and Money survey, more than one in four people would rather find out their partner has been secretly texting an ex than that they’ve been carrying secret debt.
While some couples agree not to share bank accounts or credit cards, keeping their own finances largely separate, any purchase that could significantly affect you both or your family is important to share. If you’re going out of your way to hide purchases, your relationship could really suffer.
“To hide purchases from your partner sets up a dynamic to not be open and honest about your financial choices,” Divaris Thompson said. “It creates distrust in the relationship and breaks down your integrity. Your partner is also then set up to become the ‘financial police,’ and this will build resentment in your relationship.”
Tip: Stop the Secrets
If your spouse is showing signs of lying about their spending, you should confront them in a non-combative way. If you aren’t confident that you can keep your cool during a discussion, seek the help of an objective third party, such as a therapist.
If you are concealing or lying about purchases, you need to end the habit pronto. Should the temptation to hide arise, ask yourself why you feel the need to not disclose the information, and pinpoint any underlying issues in need of addressing.
3. Some Husbands Can’t Handle Their Wives Making More Money
While women’s salaries have progressed in recent decades, societal perceptions of money-related gender roles have not evolved as quickly. As a result, some men struggle emotionally when their wives make more money.
“In our society, men have historically been the breadwinners,” Divaris Thompson said. “Being in a heterosexual couple where the woman makes more money can set up a dynamic that may be uncomfortable for a man. Usually, partners feel that whoever makes more money, even on a subconscious level, may hold more power.”
Meanwhile, women continue to do a significantly larger share of household chores, even when they make a higher income. Women, on average, spend more than twice as much time house cleaning and preparing food, and over three times as much time doing laundry compared with men, according to a recent Bureau of Labor Statistics report. If such a setup contributes to resentment, exhaustion and heightened stress, money-related tension and divorce risks might run even higher.
Try This: Passive Income Expert: I Make $27,000 Every Week — Here’s How
Tip: Tell Your Partner How You Feel
If you are a married man who struggles to accept that your wife makes more money than you, talk about your feelings with your partner, a therapist or both. Awareness alone can go a long way toward salvaging relationship satisfaction, and it sets the stage for positive action, such as more evenly sharing the housework load.
4. Couples Live Beyond Their Means, Fueling Anxiety
No matter what your financial means — or who makes more money — overspending is one of the reasons marriages fail.
“One of the biggest red flags is debt,” said Shelly-Ann Eweka, senior director of financial planning strategy for TIAA. “I know one family where the husband found a credit card statement that showed his wife’s discretionary spending far exceeded what they had discussed. The dishonesty upset him, of course, and he realized how much her spending would hurt his credit rating and his financial goals.”
For couples, this is problematic on multiple levels, according to Divaris Thompson. “When you live beyond your means, there is always a level of anxiety associated with that,” she said. “Whether you know the credit card bill is coming soon or wonder constantly if you can cover your bills, this can lead to feelings of unease.”
The greater your level of anxiety, the greater your risk of feeling disconnected from your partner, particularly if he or she is the bigger spender.
Tip: Create a Plan Together
To keep overspending from dismantling your marriage, Divaris Thompson suggested sharing your fears and anxious feelings with your partner, and then creating a plan together for positive change. Develop a budget, explore creative ways to save funds to better stay within your means and check in regularly to hold each other accountable.
“It’s wise for couples to periodically review each other’s credit card and financial statements,” Eweka said. “If you notice a lot of purchases or late payment fees, it’s important to ask questions and understand why.”
Explore More: Here’s How Much the Definition of Middle Class Has Changed in Every State
5. Couples Spend Too Much Time Trying To Make Money
Maintaining a strong marriage takes work, time and energy. If you spend nearly all of your time and energy at the office, you won’t have much left over for keeping the relationship spark alive. It should come as no surprise, then, that overwork can fuel the likelihood of divorce.
“In a solid relationship, you want to feel valued and a priority,” Divaris Thompson said. “For a partner that prioritizes work, this can lead to feelings of resentment and anger in the relationship.”
Tip: Set Clear Expectations
To help keep overwork from undermining your relationship, Divaris Thompson said couples must find balance.
“Make sure you both agree on what that picture looks like between work/life balance,” she said.
6. Couples Argue About Money
Some experts believe that spousal arguments about money are the leading predictor of divorce. Many studies show that, regardless of debt, income and net worth, money arguments are among the biggest divorce red flags.
Not only do money issues frequently come up in arguments, but they tend to lead to more intense and frequent fights as well — understandably so, said Divaris Thompson.
“Financial issues lend themselves to more frequent or intense arguments, because money is usually not a subject that couples are that upfront, honest or proactive about discussing,” she said. “This can lead to blowups down the road.”
Find Out: I’m a Financial Advisor: Here’s Why My Rich Clients Identify With the Middle Class
Tip: Have Ongoing Conversations About Your Finances
Improving your communication habits around money and addressing any issues head-on to prevent arguments — ideally sooner rather than later — can save you and your spouse a lot of tension, paving the way for longer-lasting relationship bliss.
7. Partners Have Different Spending Habits or Priorities
“Many financial red flags should concern couples. It can be everything from spending priorities to the actual spending,” Eweka said. “I’ve been happily married for 23 years, but at first, my husband often preferred to spend instead of save, and I wanted to save and invest.”
Not addressing these different attitudes and behaviors or reaching some sort of compromise can lead to resentment and issues down the road.
Tip: Keep Some Finances Separate
“One potential solution could be for each spouse to contribute to a joint account, but also open individual accounts,” Eweka said. “The couples can decide how much gets allocated to their combined account and how much each person can keep for themselves.”
This allows the spender to spend — but only up to a point that it doesn’t affect joint financial needs and goals.
Gabrielle Olya and Jordan Rosenfeld contributed to the reporting for this article.
More From GOBankingRates
This article originally appeared on GOBankingRates.com: 7 Money Issues That Can Lead To Divorce
