5 Things To Consider Before Telling Your Kids the Truth About Santa

Parent and child decorating the Christmas tree

Writing letters to Santa is an activity that most children look forward to as Christmastime approaches. The excitement of knowing that a jolly old man is coming down the chimney to bring you presents and enjoy some milk and cookies after a long ride around the world on a sleigh makes Christmas, Christmas. 

For some kids, thinking about that last sentence may raise suspicion about Santa and his existence. Is he real? What does he do? How exactly does he get around the world in an entire night? Sadly, the enchantment about the answers to these questions doesn’t last forever.

As a parent, it’s always heartbreaking to see your child deconstruct some of the innocence of being young. But you know your child best. You know when they’re confused about something and know how to handle their complicated emotions. What happens when they approach you questioning something as central to childhood as Santa? How do you tell your child the truth about Santa? Even more nerve-wracking, should you tell your kids the truth about Santa?

Related: 9 of the Biggest Santa Claus Myths—Debunked

Should You Tell Your Kids the Truth About Santa?

When parents ask me how to approach the “Santa situation,” they’re almost always apprehensive about having this conversation with their child. Regardless of why, it’s a natural feeling not to want to end their innocent awe. Some kids don’t ask questions. What happens when they enter adolescence and still don’t know? Addressing whether Santa is real with your child (or teen) is a personal decision that shouldn’t be taken lightly. There’s nothing wrong with including Santa as part of your Christmas traditions until your kids start to get curious.

Research from psychologists at the University of Texas at Dallas and George Mason University found that out of a sample of almost 50 children and over 350 adults, over half reported that while it was upsetting to learn the truth about Santa, the negative effects weren’t long-lasting. I tend to agree as a therapist who works with kids, their families and adults. If they ask, you have the option to tell them or to help them keep believing.

If you’re not quite ready to have this conversation, here are some fun facts about Santa to share during the holiday season.

5 Things To Consider Before Telling Your Kids the Truth About Santa

Being a parent isn’t easy, much less making decisions that could change how your child sees the world. There’s no right way to tell your kids about Santa, but there are a few things to consider before breaking the news.

1. How old is your child?

Before telling your kids about Santa, the first thing to consider is their age and grade level. Are they in elementary school, where virtually all of their peers believe in Santa? Or are they in middle school, where most kids are growing up and putting two and two together about who the presents under the tree on Christmas morning are really from? High schoolers may still believe in Santa in some rare cases, but most kids start asking questions around the age of eight or nine. If your child is around this age, know how you plan to handle their questions and discuss it with your partner, co-parent or other family. 

Related: Dear Santa! This Is Kris Kringle's Real Address

2. How often does your child engage in imaginative play?

A child’s personality and maturity at a given age may also influence their readiness to learn about Santa, specifically their ability to engage in imaginative play. This type of play is crucial to a child’s development, so I always encourage parents to promote it as much as possible. By creating stories, giving life to inanimate objects like toys, and using their environment to create an imaginative world to play in, kids expand their ability to think critically and express emotions healthily.

However, a 2021 study shows that pretend play may not disappear as quickly as we initially thought as children grow. The more creative and imaginative a child is, the easier it is for them to believe in Santa—causing them to hold onto the enchantment a little longer than their peers. If you start noticing your child is slowing down on pretend play, you may want to prepare yourself to discuss Santa soon. 

Related: Santa's Reindeer Names

3. How serious are your child’s questions about Santa’s existence?

Take hints from your child’s behavior and let them take the lead to gauge where they are in their Santa journey. If they approach you once but seem apprehensive, dropping it and revisiting the conversation later is okay rather than pushing them to talk. Doing this leads to negative emotions and memories that stick with a child as they grow.

Most of the time, you can tell when a child is serious about wanting answers because they will try to revisit the conversation until they’re satisfied with the given information. From the “why?” phase toddlers go through to asking questions about life that don’t really have an answer (i.e., "why do some bad things happen?"), a child’s curiosity only grows as they age. Pay attention to how your child’s inquisitiveness develops and adapt your approach to it.

4. Does your child believe in other holiday characters?

Between the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, and the more modern Elf on the Shelf, kids have a lot to keep up with during the holidays and at big life milestones. If your child still believes in other holiday characters, they probably believe in Santa too. 

Related: Santa Jokes

5. What are your family’s views on “telling the truth”?

To some families, promoting fictional characters contradicts the importance of telling the truth. These parents may feel like they are lying to their children, therefore signaling that the behavior is okay if they allow their kids to believe in Santa or participate in activities like Elf on the Shelf.

While every family has different beliefs, including Santa (and other holiday characters and narratives)—promoting the importance of telling the truth is possible—and beneficial.

Like the study results referenced earlier, most kids aren’t offended or traumatized because their parents encouraged them to believe in Santa and revealed the truth when they got older.

In my experience as a therapist, the more something is made out to be a “big deal,” the more traumatizing it is. Let your child experience the holidays in a way that fits your family’s values, culture and tradition in a positive, healthy way.

Ultimately, the impact of telling your kids the truth about Santa rests in your hands. The more supportive, empathetic, validating and understanding you can be, the higher the likelihood that most of your fear and anxiety surrounding breaking the news about St. Nick can be put to rest.

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