'The 5 Biggest Mistakes I’ve Seen Mothers and Fathers of the Bride Make at a Wedding'
Everyone you invite to your wedding plays a special role in your celebration. Not only do your guests set the energy for the party but they also are supporting characters in the story of your wedding day. While your parents, and your partner's parents, hope to be there to show you support and endless love, sometimes that doesn’t always go as planned.
As a professional bridesmaid who has been to over 125 weddings, I’ve seen mothers and fathers of the bride and groom make big and unforgettable mistakes. Wondering what to avoid doing as a parent at your son or daughter’s wedding? Take note of these five things.
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5 Biggest Mistakes Mothers and Fathers of the Bride Make at a Wedding
1. Secretly Inviting People To Show Up
Before the wedding happens, couples finalize a guest list, send out invitations, plan out a seating chart and give the venue a head count for the big day. However, at least 10 times a year, I find myself at a wedding where the bride is having a meltdown because her parents secretly invited extra guests.
Some parents think it’s okay to casually tell their friends to show up at the wedding or come uninvited. Their hope is that the venue can pull up a chair and add a place setting. If the wedding is big, some parents hope that the couple won’t even notice that uninvited guests are there.
However, this situation hardly ends well. The couple usually finds themselves in a state of panic, the venue struggles to find room to seat these extra guests and the caterer has to rummage together more food to feed them. Plus, it becomes extra awkward if the couple asks the parents to tell these uninvited friends to leave.
Instead of finding yourself in this situation, if you’re a parent who really wants a few friends to be invited, discuss this with the couple when they are planning their guest list.
2. Grabbing the Microphone
If a couple has decided they’d like to have people speak at their wedding, they’ll often let those chosen people know in advance. They might also give them a time limit so that their speech doesn’t linger. Every once in a while, a parent of the bride or groom will grab the microphone and give an impromptu speech (usually after drinking).
While they might have good intentions, their son or daughter often finds themselves in a state of embarrassment. If you’re a parent who wants to give a speech but hasn’t been asked to do it at the reception, see if your son or daughter would be okay with you speaking at the rehearsal dinner instead.
If you’re getting married and you’re worried that your mom or dad might grab the microphone during the reception, alert the DJ or band in advance to help make sure this doesn’t happen.
3. Starting Arguments With Their Son or Daughter
Weddings can be very stressful environments for anyone involved. There are a lot of moving pieces and the pressure of everything about the day going perfectly. It’s even quite common for the couple getting married to argue about something on their big day. At least once a month, I witness the bride or groom get into a heated fight with one of their parents. Usually, these fights have to do with two main things. A parent may be upset about some aspect of the wedding—whether it’s the attitude of a vendor or the setup at the venue. Instead of bringing this to the attention of the wedding planner or even someone in the bridal party, they try to have a conversation with their child only for it to turn into a screaming match.
Otherwise, I also see parents bringing their emotions and stress into the bridal suite on the wedding day. Usually, when that happens, the couple will ask their parents to leave and go for a walk. That’s when the parents will get upset and enter into an argument with the bride or groom.
As a parent, try to bring any problems or annoyances to someone else involved with the wedding—not the bride or groom.
4. Talking Badly About the Marriage
The couple getting married hopes that their parents are happy and proud of them on their wedding day but that’s not always the case. I’ve seen some cases where the parents don’t approve of the person their child is marrying and tell others how they feel about the wedding.
There was one time when the mother of the bride was venting to the bridesmaids about how much she disliked the groom. Her daughter walked into the bridal suite and heard everything. This turned into an hour-long fight between the bride and her mother and the rest of the wedding felt awkward.
Even if you think your child isn’t listening, it’s best to not spend any time at the wedding bad-mouthing the bride or groom.
5. Spend Too Much Time at the Open Bar
One of the underlying causes of almost all of the mistakes I see mothers and fathers make on their child’s wedding day happens because of alcohol. I’ve seen parents get too drunk and start fights, hurt themselves on the dance floor, or say something that is very out of character for them to say.
While hanging out at the open bar is tempting, try to cap how many drinks you have at your son or daughter’s wedding so you can avoid making a very memorable mistake.
Next: Here’s What I Remind Every Bride To Do Before the Ceremony
