Deceptive Descriptions (Listing Fails)

As #houseporn fiends and real estate junkies, there's nothing we love more than poring through fabulous home listings -- except maybe sorting through the tragically un-fabulous ones. They'll definitely make you laugh, and some of them could make you cry. Every week, AOL Real Estate brings you the sorriest listings that we could find on the Internet to show you what you should never do when posting your home online. We very appropriately call it #listingfail.

This week's theme: Deceptive Descriptions.

A Dream Country Mountain Home

"If you've ever had dreams of a country MOUNTAIN home," this Franklin, N.C., listing says, "check this out!" Well, we don't know about you, but our dreams of a country mountain home generally don't involve a decrepit, falling-to-pieces old barn in the middle of the sticks. The listing does, however, provide some of the idyllic scenes you could expect to see in the mountains -- which unfortunately don't deflect from the fact that this supposed country mountain home of your dreams looks more like a country mountain nightmare.

"No expense spared"

"SELLER SPARED NO EXPENSE WITH THIS INCREDIBLE TRANSFORMATION," this Chicago, Ill. listing gushes. No expense? The home has boarded-up windows and old-looking, dirt-colored carpet. And if this is the seller's idea of an "INCREDIBLE TRANSFORMATION" then we'd hate to see those "before" pictures...

A "Glamorous" Bathroom

We've seen our fair share of "glamorous" bathrooms before, but unfortunately, unlike its listing deceptively promises, the bathroom of this San Antonio, Texas, home is not one of them. In fact, it looks about as un-glamorous and average as they come.

"Mind Blowing Studio" in "Mind Numbing Location"

Sellers and Realtors: if there's anything to learn from this week's #listingfail installment, it's to please cull the superlatives. Particularly when they are downright misleading. Exhibit A: this shoebox-like studio in Manhattan's Lower East Side. "Mind Blowing" is certainly not the term we'd use to describe this tiny and unremarkable spot. And while the location's OK -- if you like souvenir shops and grimy Chinese restaurants -- we wouldn't call it "mind numbing" (what does that even mean?!).

Click on the gallery below for more (hilariously) deceptive #listingfails.

More Deceptive Descriptions (Listing Fails)
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Deceptive Descriptions (Listing Fails)

Here we go again with the "mind blowing" (these New Yorkers sure are obsessed with getting their minds blown). While the view from the roof of this "Marvelous Cute" New York City pad is decent -- not exactly a premium skyline view, but we'll take it -- that railing is just hideous. Mind blowing? More like mind-boggling.

We would probably be way less cynical of this "mind numbing" closet space if there were, you know, pictures of it. Instead, all this New York City Craigslist listing offers are pictures of a mind-numbingly boring, vanilla apartment.

"Luxury at a Starter Home Price!" this Manhattan Beach, Calif. listing gushes. Really? $1.07 million is the going rate for starter homes these days? (Apparently so. The home's since been sold). 

Thanks to our pals at Curbed for this listingfail.

Ok, so we use "sprawling" as much as the next person, but we're not exaggerating when we use the term -- usually when describing 50,000-square-foot mansions. One-bedroom New York City apartments, however, cannot possibly ever be "sprawling." 

Thanks to our pals at Curbed for this listingfail!

We don't love it as much as "mind numbing," but this description is just as ridiculous. Particularly when applied to this tiny apartment with very unremarkable windows. We can't speak for the rest of the apartment, but that little corner seems thoroughly "sun blasted." We guess.

Thanks to our pals at Curbed for this listingfail.

If "direct" means "distant and slightly visible through numerous buildings," then this New York City listing could be considered fairly accurate.


Don't let your home be a #listingfail! Take some pro advice from our home staging guides:
Home Staging Mistakes Sellers Should Avoid
Home Staging Tips for Every Season
Home Staging: Hire a Pro or Do It Yourself?

Join the conversation! Tweet us listing fails @aolrealestate and hashtag #listingfail, and you could get a shout-out in next week's post!

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