Listing Fails: The Best of the Worst in Real Estate This Week

As #houseporn fiends and real estate junkies, there's nothing we love more than poring through fabulous home listings -- except maybe sorting through the tragically un-fabulous ones. They'll definitely make you laugh, and some of them could make you cry. Every Friday, AOL Real Estate brings you the sorriest listings we could find on the Internet to show you what you should never do when posting your home online. We very appropriately call it #listingfail.

'A Great Opportunity'

Tip No. 1: Listing a home is like making an online dating profile: You need to select and highlight your best angles and features. But if your profile looks like this, then you're on your way to becoming a 40-year-old virgin. What would possess someone to post photos of massive, gaping holes where the air conditioner used to be? Not to mention the charming brown stains and cracks on the wall.

Tip No. 2: The listing describes this three-bedroom home in Phoenix as a "great opportunity." Let's be clear about what that means: It's a great opportunity to empty your entire bank account, because whatever's in there is what it'll take to get this home to some semblance of livability (see also "fixer-upper").

Tip No. 3: Hanging a lone, frayed blanket on the wall probably looks just as bad as what you're trying to cover. Come to think of it, maybe worse.

Other things this listing has taught us: Before you take a listing photo of your "nice-size backyard," make sure you've cleared it of shoes, random, weird furniture and debris. Click through the gallery below and you'll see what we mean.

See the original listing here.

'Just Drive By'

Tip No. 1: When the listing says, "Just drive by. Do not disturb tenants," that's your first clue that it's either a marijuana grow house or just a really bad idea in general. Try saying "Viewings by appointment only." So much sweeter -- and so much less terrifying.

Tip No. 2: Though mood lighting is cool sometimes, could you shed a little light on the bedroom, please? Not that we're anxious to get a better view of the clutter, but when it comes to listing photos, brighter is better. The owners of this two-bedroom home clearly did not get that memo, nor the one about making the bed before taking beauty snaps of their master bedroom. A messy bed we can let slide, but empty plastic bottles strewn at the foot of the bed? That's just embarrassing.

Tip No. 3: Why all the dimness and heavy drapery? Are the owners of this two-bedroom home vampires? Open the curtain and show us what you're working with! ... Quick, close the curtain!

OMG! They use our brand of laundry detergent!

Shame about the above pictures, because the condo itself is actually pretty decent on the outside (thanks to our friends at Curbed for the tip!). It even has a pool! Check it out below.

See the original listing here.

'Property Needs TLC'

Tip No. 1: The listing says this Hawthorne, N.Y., home needs "TLC." That's code for "it could almost be condemned."

Tip No. 2: Hey, guys, ever heard of storage? Nobody will buy your home if it looks like it was featured on "Hoarders." Even if it's just for the sake of the listing photo, clear out those packing boxes, shelve those stuffed toys and hang those clothes in some kind of closet. Also, if your teenage daughter's best friend is lying facedown, sleeping on the floor (she's at the bottom of the picture in case you can't find her) -- best to put her away, too.

Tip No. 3: Is this a family room, a media room or a storage room? (And do you really need two television sets and a stereo you bought in 1995?) This room is confusing, and there's no way to tell what people should use it for. Also, a streamlined space is a sold space! So toss those Christmas decorations, wires, stuffed bunnies and used gift bags before photo time.

It doesn't end there, either. To see a bathroom cluttered with toothpaste and personal products (hey, at least you know they're hygienic), check out the gallery below.

See the original listing here.

'Quite Bunglow' Country Home

This probably takes the cake for our favorite listing fail of the week (thank you, Craigslist). Not only does this listing describle this three-bedroom home in Greensboro, N.C., as a "quite bunglow," it "bosts" that the home has "solid-oak, not snap-in floors," "vinal windows" and "electricfide" heaters (a picture of which is used as the feature image for the listing). All in all, the listing promises that it's a home made for "convinance, quiet and comfort living."

The most important tip to take with you today: Spellcheck. That is all.

See more pictures of this "quite bunglow" here.

See the original listing here.

Don't let your home be a #listingfail! Take some pro advice from our home staging guides:
Home Staging Mistakes Sellers Should Avoid
Home Staging Tips for Every Season
Home Staging: Hire a Pro or Do It Yourself?

Join in on the conversation! Tweet us listing fails @aolrealestate and hashtag #listingfail, and you could get a shout-out in next week's post!

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