Unreal Estate: Hedges Can Put Hedge Funders Behind Bars

If you thought the Hamptons couldn't get stuffier, you thought wrong. It looks like vacationing masters of the universe can now face time behind bars for a much more benign offense than manipulating markets: not trimming their hedges. BusinessInsider.com reports that under a new law, if Village of Southhampton residents fail to prune their hedges once a year, they could receive a fine of up to $1,000 and/or jail time of 15 days. So in conclusion: If hedge fund managers want to hedge their bets, they better trim their hedges. Say that five times fast.

While unkempt landscaping plagues a ritzy vacation town, a much more serious menace took another community by storm this past week. According to ctpost.com, a 34-year-old man was detained on charges of setting fire to a number of vacant or for-sale houses in Fairfield, Conn. Charged with three counts of arson, one involving a burglary and all occurring within a two-hour period, the man later confessed to having previously set fire to three other houses in town. Authorities are investigating whether the same person could also be responsible for a string of yet even more fires in neighboring towns.

On a lighter note (no pun intended), The Columbus Dispatch reported a heartwarming exchange conducted in the presence of a Chase Bank mortgage officer: a wedding proposal. Greg Valentino, when asked by the mortgage officer if he should list the owner as "single man" and "single woman," took immediate measures to clinch a different title. He whipped out a ring and proposed to his fiancee. Apparently, that's not the first time one lover has chosen to pop the question before signing on the dotted line.

Another couple is embarking on a less touching venture by suing a map vendor for damaging the value of their home--the same home where pop star Michael Jackson died. The Huffington Post reports that Ed Hardy CEO Hubert Guez and his wife have had a difficult job wooing buyers for their house because the vendor, who sells "Hot Star Maps" in front of the mansion, is causing cars to park illegally in a manner that annoys potential suitors. We assume the $23.5 million price tag has nothing to do with it.

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