The Super-Secret Bank of America Employee Memo
It's been a big day for Bank of America (NYS: BAC) , as the bank announced that it's receiving a $5 billion capital injection from Warren Buffett's Berkshire Hathaway (NYS: BRK.A) (NYS: BRK.B) , a move that will hopefully help keep the bank out of serious trouble.
In addition, finance blog DealBreaker leaked a memo supposedly from Bank of America today. The memo, which has the heading "Requires confirmation of readership," outlines talking points for B of A employees should they be cornered in a dark alley by a rabid journalist or angry investor.
While this is certainly a notable find by DealBreaker, they didn't get their hands on what I did: The super-secret memo to employees directly from CEO Brian Moynihan. Investors, journalists, and the management teams at JPMorgan Chase (NYS: JPM) , Wells Fargo (NYS: WFC) , and Goldman Sachs (NYS: GS) will no doubt be very interested to read about the new initiative being launched at the bank.
MEMO
To: Our 288,000 employees ONLY
From: The office of the CEO
CC: Uncle Warren
Date: 8/25/2011
Re: We're not done for -- seriously
Bank of Amerrillwide employees,
Before I begin, I would like to reiterate the highly confidential nature of this memo. You have received this in paper copy so that we could attach an LSD tab and an emergency ripcord. Should you be in trouble and in danger of having this memo taken from your possession, simply take the LSD and pull the ripcord. The memo will explode into a million torn-up pieces of worthless credit-default swaps and you will begin shouting gibberish, causing your assailant to simply think you're yet another crazy, unemployed banker.
Now, on to the matter at hand. We are not done for. Or, as Walter Sobchak wisely said in The Big Lebowski, "Nothing is ..." (well, you've seen the movie). As a result, we're instituting a new internal program, the "We Are Not Done For" Initiative. Below, I've outlined some of the major points of this initiative.
There will be more details of the "We Are Not Done For" Initiative emerging shortly, but as you can see from the simple bullets above, we can take major strides towards healing Bank of Amerrillwide without doing anything crazy (like raising a lot of new capital).
With much gratitude,
[Signature]
Disclaimer: The Motley Fool is here to educate, enrich, and amuse. The preceding memo is not a real Bank of America memo.
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