Flattery will get you everywhere -- and now you can pay for it
Okay, that one was a freebie. From now on, I'll be charging readers $5 per compliment, sort of like the new service, Flatter Me out of Montreal, Canada. From 9 a.m. to 8 p.m., Monday through Friday, with weekends reserved for special-occasion calling, Flatter Me will deliver meaningful messages of motivation, cheer, love, appreciation or apology for the low, low price of $5 (U.S.) to the cell phone or landline of your choice (unless you order the package deal for $10, a -- bargain, eh?).
Described as a "personal project amongst friends," the courtesy-calling service says, "it's all about interacting with strangers and having fun. We are everyday people experimenting with goofy ideas," reads the website.
According to the folks at Flatter Me, the courtesy calls began with compliments but have evolved into a broad offering of positive, inspiring messages used to motivate employees, cheer up friends feeling down or perhaps, apologize. "Did something wrong?" Asks the website, "Need to do some serious sucking up to someone. This might help!"
Similarly, the site suggests outsourcing your holiday greetings and birthday wishes. Even Santa Claus could use a little help, and for $5 a guy in a red suit (snowy beard optional) will call your kids at ho-ho-home. Flatter Me states, "Lately, we've been doing a lot of encouragement phone calls, too."
The calls are described as "short and sweet" lasting 30 seconds to one minute and are completely unscripted. Unless, the customer wants to "customize" the message and deliver a personal message ... um, via someone else. Anyway, not to get bogged down in details, the service will take "special requests" but will not place any calls that are offensive. "We are all about respect and fun ... If you place an order that we deem offensive in any way, we will simply refund your order." Take off, you hosers!
Flatter Me will attempt to reach out and touch your intended recipient three times at the number provided. On the last try they will leave a "you're so amazing" message on voice mail. At some point during the call, the service will mention who the good vibes are being sent from unless anonymity is requested.
Monthly packages include one call a week for a month, and the site says "if there isn't a custom message, we simply remind them how awesome they are once a week."
Forget Hallmark and those pesky stamps, hire a "flattery specialist" to put your feelings into words. "I got this for a girl I liked," wrote one anonymous client on the Flatter Me website, "She said she thought my approach was so original she couldn't refuse the second date!" Could a wedding proposal on line two be far away?
"If it's positive, we'll say it," encourages the website, "we've delivered poems and more ... For us, this is about sharing our sense of humor with others and making people feel good about themselves."
Of course, you could save yourself five bucks and pick up the phone yourself. Sort of a radical idea, but definitely worth considering. You just might make someone's day. For free.
By the way, I meant everything I said back there. You really are all that and a bag a chips. Til next time then, I think I hear my phone ringing...