Battle of the Business Cards -- Job Titles You'll Want!

I am not a blogger -- I'm an online information disseminator, if you please. As a freelance writer who does lots of different things within that framework, I sometimes find it difficult to market myself to potential employers.

I don't have a job title. But if I did, I want it to sound very important and super-fancy. Like I went to graduate school. Not that there's anything wrong (I mean, differently logical) with traditional terms for occupations, but here are some snazzy new ones you might want to learn before your next job hunt (that is, employment-intel-gathering mission).