Creative Ways to Say: I QUIT!

Who doesn't love a great exit story? From songs ('Take This Job & Shove It!') to movies ('Two Weeks' Notice') and everything in between, sometimes you just can't top real life. Most of the people I interviewed for this piece wished to remain anonymous (for obvious reasons, as you will see!), but I'm going to share one of my own.

I was working as an office drone at a company that was so notorious for its mismanagement and subsequent high turnover, the woman working in the HR Department started a humorous ongoing private art exhibit: Each time someone quit, she'd plunge a popsicle stick topped with a cutout photo of the departed employee's head into one of her planters. As the collection grew and spilled over into a few of her potted plants, she dubbed them her "Children of the Corn."

When it came my time to say hasta la vista, I crafted my own popsicle stick / photo combo and put it in one of the HR lady's planters while she was out to lunch. Without doing anything else, I slipped away. I later heard accounts from my friends who still worked there of how my departure was discovered -- and as time passed, the story actually became legendary!

More creative quitting techniques

Scott Huver, now an independent entertainment producer, also took the passive-aggressive route when he decided to quit: "I'd grown increasingly frustrated with brand new management after working an online entertainment website for several years. After accepting an offer for a new job elsewhere, I carefully timed my exit announcement. After submitting my two weeks' notice and working through the first week or so, I casually reminded them that I'd be out of the office for a few days on a work trip that had been scheduled and approved -- and then forgotten by bosses -- earlier. So most of my final week at work was spent at a resort in Hawaii. I extended my stay over the weekend on my own dime, came back for my last day on Monday, turned in my assignment and collected a substantial check for about two years worth of unused vacation days."

Here are a few other creative (and certainly not recommended) ways to say, "I quit!"

  • I was exhausted from so many overtime hours, and my boss taking advantage of my pay-structure (salary, not hourly). So I decided, one night while working late alone, to go to sleep in her office. I stripped down to my undies. I used her desk as the bed and her keyboard as the pillow. When she found me in the morning, she fired me. (Which was better than me quitting, because I collected unemployment!)

  • I started bringing my kids to work, saying I couldn't afford a babysitter.

  • I got into my boss's computer while he was out and infected it with a bunch of viruses. The first thing he saw when he turned his computer on was my letter of resignation.

  • On my way out in the parking lot, I keyed the cars of everyone I hated.

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