Rental Roommate Nightmares: Canadian Edition!
So what do our friends in the great white north have to offer? Zombie-hunters, phone-sex operators who like Frisbee, and open-minded roommates who provide pictures of themselves topless.
All this and more if you read on....
Toronto: $450 Come live with me and my furry friends!
A bit about me: I am a single, quiet 24 year old woman that works from home doing "phone sex". I have 3 lovely crazy (but crazy in a good way) dogs and a house cat. I compete in frisbee competitions with them in the summer time, they are fun.
Our Take: That's one well-rounded-crazy potential roommate!
Vancouver:$550 Female Zombie Bait Wanted
As many Vancouverites cannot deny, our city is overrun with Zombies. I shall occupy the living room, conducting experiments with my loyal Teddy Bear, Terri, in the fight against Zombies. I am a twenty something punk/goth/crazy young woman, who is dreadfully aware of the Zombie infestation and only eats vegtables and tofu because of this.
Because of the highly concentrated nature of my experiments, one must abide by the following conditions:
1. The Zombie Bait must not engage in Narcotics and must leave all forms of Narcotics, including weed, and alcohol, out of the apartment.
2. Though Romantic relationships are common among human beings, the Zombie bait must not engage in loud and violent sounding sexual intercourse at odd hours of the night.
3. The Zombie Bait must not suddenly go insane and smash/burn everything around them.
(God I cant believe I have to write that...Look, I understand everyone is crazy to some degree. Hell, I'm extremely nuts. I talk to a teddybear and everything! But if you seriously feel you are sliding off the deep end and decide to destroy everything in your path, Go to the hospital. There's one a few blocks down which serves some good pudding! I need you to kill Zombies. Not yourself. Failure to do so will result in me wrestling your crazy ass to the ground and dragging you to the looney bin.)
4. The Zombie Bait must engage in personal hygene.
(You have no idea how many people have turned this place into a dumping ground. Please excersize SOME level of concideration and clean up after yourself! Also: This apartment comes with a shower. No, Zombies will not attack you there, so use it. Just because we hunt Zombies, doesnt mean we have to smell like them!)
Our Take: I'm not entirely sure: is your new potential roommate a moron or suffered from mild head injury? I wonder? Imagine moving in and the two of you going zombie hunting through the streets of Vancouver. Imagine when its time for her to talk to her teddy bear. Nightmare.
Vancouver:$750 WE PREFER LADY'S STUDENTS ONLY
We are a christian family and would be happy to make you a part of our church family. The room has two queen-sized beds, a television and computer/internet access (wireless). We are looking to have two students (naturally of the same sex).
Our Take: Okay, I get the part where you want me to move in and be a part of your church family, but wouldn't I be breaking the Jesus rules if I'm sharing my room with someone of the same sex. All I can ask: Where would Jesus move in?
Montreal: $400 I need a room with an open minded roommate
I would like it to be with an open minded female. Someone that would not mind to maybe now and again have sex together and maybe join with me and another women or couple now and again. Im into this kind of stuff and i like to go not host these kinds of parties. Well if u are open to it we can host the parties as well. Every one is respectful and clean. Its not to happen every weekend. im just saying once in a while maybe once a month. So let me know. Oh and i would like to know that the internet and cable are included.
Our Take: At first read I thought this ad was completely creepy. Then I saw the photo at the bottom and thought it was REALLY creepy.
For more to keep you up at night, read other Rental Roommate Nightmare editions.