Craigslist Roommate Nightmares: Minneapolis Edition
What do we have in store?
Potential terrorists, a single dad who wants to make you his kids' new mommy, and that dude from Silence of the Lambs.
The Ad: Call it your home to (woodbury)
"I am trying to stay away from all the spam so I will ask a question first. Is the statue of liberty holding up her left or right arm? Please answer first then I know you are a real person. Now I have a home in woodbury that I am offering to someone as a live in roommate. I am a male but would prefer a female. I do not want anything from you as far as intimate favors. I am a quiet person that drinks very rarely but I do smoke and I can do that outside. I understand that people have a hard time in life sometimes--I did so I know the feeling. I don't party or no one visits me so basically it is a home that is very quiet and pretty clean. The entire home would be open to you. What to charge someone--Well I have no ideal unless I average with the other ads I see but I am easy going and this can be discussed. If you have more questions please feel free to ask. Just be honest."
Our Take: Imagine the hours alone with this guy as he sits there in silence, admiring the shape of your skull. Don't worry--no one is going to visit your new roommate, so it will be just you and him forever and ever and ever as he puts on the skinned hides of animals he's hunted and dances for hours on end under the light of the full moon.
The Ad: FREE ROOM AND BOARD IN EXCHANGE FOR SLIGHT CHILD CARE FOR SINGLE DAD (SAINT PAUL JUST EAST OF COMO LAKE)
"I am a 35 year old male offering free room and board to a female in exchange for slight child care for 8 year old twin boys and a soon to be 4 year old girl.
This person will allow me to work my part time job in the early mornings before going to my full time job. I leave around 3:30 a.m. and I need someone to be at the house during that time while the kids are sleeping. The kids get up around 7 a.m. and their mom picks them up around 8:30 a.m. for school/daycare. Getting the kids breakfast and ready for the day will be the morning routine.
There may be times when the boys will need to be walked to the bus stop, which is only 2 short blocks away, and my daughter will need to be brought to daycare, which is 4 blocks away. This person would also need to be available at 3:45 p.m. most weekdays to get the boys off the bus after school and my daughter from daycare. I typically get home around 5:30 p.m. Their grandmother or aunt picks them up some days also. A regular schedule can be discussed."
Our Take: Hey kids, say "hi" to your new mommy. She's sleeping in the spare bedroom for the time being, but I'm working on changing that.
The Ad: $399 ROOM FOR RENT - Great Location - Bus to U of M - Fun House Mates :) (Minneapolis) (map)
"I, Andy, am a 26 year old engineer and a recent (1 year) homeowner. I like to make or design things in my free time, and enjoy hanging out with friends/watching movies etc. I value sleep, and try to keep volume levels comfortable for all. :) I like to think of myself as a fun guy, and enjoy semi-dangerous things, and rowdy social events at other people's houses.
My roommate, Jacob is a great guy. He is also analytically minded, and very easy to get along with. He enjoys frisby golf, among other things."
Our Take: I have my suspicions, but I think Andy and Jacob are designing a new way to hide explosives in their underwear to accommodate airline travel. They are doing so with their analytical minds. You will be considered an accomplice when the FBI raids your house.
The Ad: $430 Available Now; Country House to share Female or male welcome (Woodbury) (map)
"I am experienced in renting/sharing a house for many years. The safety and security of your personal effects and property are one of my highest priorities. We don't eat each others food or take each others tooth paste etc... We are considerate and quite at night. .................."
Our Take: There's something slightly disserting about the way your new roommate uses the royal "we" in his ad. It kind of reminds me of that fellow in Silence of the Lambs who put the girl in the well and demanded that she put the lotion in the basket.
Read more of our Craigslist Roommate Nightmare Warnings here.