Craigslist Roommate Nightmares: New York Edition
Here are a few bad-roommate horror stories waiting to happen from this week's New York Craigslist:The Ad: $1 I'm Looking to Provide a Nice Experience for You (Western Nassau)
Handsome man, 58. large private house in western nassau, long island not far from NYC. share my house. SHARE MY LIFE. be the co-pilot for my red corvette stingray. be yourself. BE TREATED WITH GREAT CARE AND RESPECT. i live 25 miles from NYC, in a nice quiet, safe and clean suburb. AVAILABLE ASAP. if interested, YOU MUST, send pics and details about yourself. BOYFRIEND-GIRLFRIEND 21 to 35. this is for real. no games. COME TAKE A MAGIC CARPET RIDE WITH ME.
Our Take: Hmmmm? I was simply looking for a place to live. I don't know if I'm ready to TAKE A MAGIC CARPET RIDE. All I really wanted to do is pay my share of the rent and clean up after myself. I'm not sure if being the co-pilot for some strange 58-year-old man's red corvette stingray is really in my plans. (Also, I'm not sure if he literally means a red corvette stingray or is using that as a creepy metaphor?) 25 miles away from NYC is a hell of a long distance if things happen to not work out as this "handsome man" plans.
The Ad: $1,000 Female Roommate Needed for Quiet Bedroom In Prime EV Location (East Village)
I am looking for a FEMALE roommate, preferably in her twenties like me, with a full time job who doesn't spend much time in the apartment. I am a full time student and a freelance stylist and have a big social life BUT outside the apartment. When at home, I study, eat, sleep and am quiet IN my room. I expect the same from my potential roommate! I am looking for someone that is super clean and respectful of my privacy
If you are female, clean, responsible, quiet, work long hours and spend most of your spare time outside of the apartment you're my perfect candidate!
Our Take: But if you do spend most of your time in the apartment, then i will grow to hate you quickly. I want you to pay the rent and then stay the HELL away from the apartment. The sight of you, already, is beginning to sicken me. Why won't you leave! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!
The Ad: $550 Do You Work In NYC But Live Elsewhere (Upper East Side)
I have a cat and the litter box is always clean and never smells.
I'd like a part-time roommate. Someone who is here because she/he works in Manhattan but lives outside of Manhattan and does not want to go home during the week, Monday night through Friday morning. Please, no snoring or smoking.
Our Take: What's up with these New Yorkers who want roommates to pay the rent, but they never want them around? I'd like to move in, then never leave the premises and develop an affinity for snoring and smoking at the same time.
The Ad: $650 Large Room to rent (Brooklyn) (map)
When you decide to move out I will refund your deposit.
Our Take: Okay. that might very, very soon. This nightmare doesn't have to do with roommates, but the room itself. What would drive you more insane: the puke green walls or the matching puke green bed spread? Can you imagine the hours spent alone in this prison cell? The only thing missing from this photo is the last tenant hanging himself from the light fixture.
In case you're not totally sold on this room, here's a closer look at that tiny schoolhouse desk:
Still not sold? Did we mention that the room also comes with a chair in the corner? That's where your imaginary friend can sit, you know, the one that sees dead people.
Read more of our Craigslist Roommate Nightmare Warnings here.