Do mustachioed Americans really earn more? Read all about it!

The headlines were unequivocal: The New York Daily News screamed "Wanna make more money? Try growing a mustache." NBC News went with the more authoritative, "Study: Men With Mustaches Make More Money." In India, The Deccan Chronicle offered: "People with mustache are paid well." And Iran Daily tried out a tentative "Mustached People Earn More." The four news organizations, along with dozens of blogs and news aggregators, proceeded to report the startling statistics: "Men with mustaches earn 8.2 percent more than men sporting beards and 4.3 percent more than clean-shaven men."

Really? As a mustachioed-American, I was fascinated, but as a journalist I suspected something wasn't quite on the up and up. So, I began to dig a little deeper. Little did I realize what a long and winding road that spade work would lead me down....