Dell's hell continues: Decoding the Dell analyst release

When plain-vanilla PC maker and enterprise equipment giant Dell (DELL) released guidance on July 13 ahead of an analyst meeting on July 14, the new information sent shares sharply downward, and no wonder. Despite Dell's best efforts to put a positive spin on things, there really was no good news at all.

Sure, Dell has been struggling mightily. Net earnings fell by nearly 50 percent in the last quarter as Dell's business was ravaged by the Great Recession. Still, we can't help but poke fun at the happy talk Wall Street veneer on display in their guidance. So here's a line-by-line breakdown with our interpretation of what Dell's beleaguered CFO Brian Gladden was probably really saying inside his head.