Wall Street Prison Consultants: New job for new times

wall street prison consultantsWith the perp walk becoming a standard Wall Street entertainment, I suppose the business plan of the company Wall Street Prison Consultants is sound.

As its name suggests, the firm specializes in helping those charged with fraud, insider trading, anti-trust violations and the like fight the charges, influence sentencing, and, if necessary, prepare for a stretch in the joint.

Wall Street Prison Consultants is a spin off of American Prison Consultants, a company founded by Larry Levine in 2007 after finishing a 10-year stretch in the federal prison system for methamphetamine dealing, securities fraud and other charges. While incarcerated, he read enough to become a jailhouse lawyer, advising fellow inmates on how to use the law the their advantage.

After he was paroled, Levine decided to turn his misfortune into fortune by offering a $1,000 crash course in how to do prison time for those about to join that brotherhood. For example, he recently shared some of prison's special lexicon with NY Magazine:

  • Leg Rider -- Someone sucking up to the police
  • Rat Jacket -- a snitch
  • Shower Shark -- does this one need an explanation?

After the market implosion, Levine expanded his empire to offer his services to the Madoffs of the financial world. Some reports suggest that a member of Madoff's defense team even contacted Levine, who claims to have refused to work for the biggest crook in history.

Levine teaches prison economics to those used to dealing with Wall Street economics. For example, when Levine did his stretch, prisoners, who were not allowed to have money, used cans of mackerel as their medium of exchange.

Must have been a no-smoking prison. I can hear Madoff already: "You give me 100 cans of mackerel today, and I'll give you back 110 by the end of the year."

I don't know how successful Levine will be with the financial market crowd, however, because he only accepts payment in cash. I'm not sure anyone from Wall Street is familiar with this "cash" thing. If he'd only agree to extend them credit. Credit they know.
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