The Upside: Hollywood dreams -- and nightmares

Breasts. Everywhere you look in Los Angeles, there they are, pushing out of push-up bras like two bald men kissing. Even the store mannequins have been enhanced. Nowhere else on the planet is so much money spent making so many women look so cheap.

Cleavage was definitely the must-have accessory at the recent Hollywood premiere of The Hangover. I attended as the guest of Spiderman producer Laura Ziskin, with whom I'm working on developing my comic novel How I Paid for College. The experience was eye-opening as well as eye-popping.