April fools? New accounting rule to end the financial crisis

Many people are wondering when this recession (or depression) will end. Well, the waiting is over. Tomorrow a group of accountants will vote on a new accounting rule that will end the financial crisis. This rule, called FAS 157-e, permits banks to make up the value of assets they carry on their books but which nobody wants to buy. By letting banks put whatever value they choose on these assets, they will no longer need to tell investors just how badly those assets have deteriorated.

This is obviously fantastic news for the global economy. We can now get back the $12.8 trillion we've spent bailing out the banks and insurance companies. That's because the toxic waste that has so far caused them to take $3 trillion in write-offs will no longer be toxic. In fact, the banks can mark those assets just as high as they want -- even taking a profit by valuing them at, say, $1.20 instead of the 60 cents at which they're currently priced. This increase in value will instantaneously give the banks as much capital they want.