Make mine diet soda -- I'm in a hurry

According to our mates at Royal Adelaide Hospital, in South Australia, the choice of diet soda as a cocktail mixer will give you more fast acting bang for your boozing dollar than the old standard mixers.

CNN reports that Aussie researchers found that when using diet soda as a mixer, intoxicating beverages reach the small intestine 15 minutes sooner than with regular mixers. So, with diet soda as a mixer, you can drink at your usual pace, but you'll get drunk faster. You can decide for yourself if that's a good thing or not.

The technical explanation for this phenomenon is simple: The sugar content in regular sodas slows the emptying of the stomach, which retards the absorption of alcohol by the small intestine. The same effect can be had by consuming a light snack containing fat, protein and carbohydrates, before beginning to drink yourself silly.

So if you're in that questionable state of mind wherein you're simply out to get drunk, bypass the regular soda and tell the bartender to mix your drink with diet soda. You'll get your buzz on a quarter hour sooner than you normally would, and you'll save yourself a few calories in the process.

Of course, you might land yourself in the back of a squad car a quarter hour sooner also. Discretion is the better part of valor, they say.