Want to feel rich? Hire your own Paparazzo!

When it comes to portraits, most people go the boring route of getting dressed up in their best clothes, going to Sears, and polishing up their cheesiest smile while posing in front of a snowy background. In my house, we used to give extra points for particularly goofy touches: wet-look hair gel, for example, would generally get one the appreciation of various family members, while a ratty, stained Santa hat could bestow hero status.

The stilted, embalmed look of a studio portrait is mildly unattractive, but there's nothing quite as discomfiting at the completely oblivious, surreptitiously-picking-one's-nose look of a celebrity Paparazzi photo. For anyone whose ever envied Lindsay Lohan and the sweaty-faced, zombie-wandering-through-purgatory look that she's mastered, paparazzi pictures are just a phone call away. Izaz Rony, a "candid photographer," charges a mere $500 per hour to stalk and photograph his customers, rendering the sort of long-distance portraits that fill the pages of Us and The National Enquirer. As a nice side effect, Rony's service also give the feeling of being hunted, which is sure to come in handy the next time you're having a hard time listening to some pampered celebrity complain about the misery of being famous!

Bruce Watson is a freelance writer, blogger, and all-around cheapskate. He wants to be just like Britney Spears when he grows up; in fact, he's already shaved his head!