Reality TV school: learning to humiliate oneself on command


I'm amazed, in the jaded world, that there are still reality show contestants that are so easily shocked when they are chosen, and so very, very easily driven to paroxysms of delight by the smallest victory. Therefore, I'm, like, OH MY GOD!, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!, that the New York Reality TV School is now open to train wannabe contestants how to land a role on such a show, and carry it off with(out) class.

The school offers a five-week course of five hour-and-a-half classes for (can you guess the price? Yes, you can call your mother for advice) $299, while an abbreviated one-night, three-hour version is available fora low, low, $139.

According to a wonderful article in AdWeek by Andrew Hampp, the school's curriculum includes mastering the perp walk', the elevator pitch ("Hi, I know when and where your children go to school, and I'd like to be on your show"), how to react to moles added to your team to ratchet up conflict, and when and where to inject your sexuality into the interview (answer- early and often).

Hampp relates perhaps the funniest line I've read this year, when he tells of a student who, in response to her instructor's taunting, yells "I didn't come here to be humiliated." I thought that was the whole point of reality TV? Even funnier, we later learn this student was a mole, added to the student body to ratchet up the conflict.

The school's casting director claims to book 30 spots daily for these shows through NY and Me, I'm thinking the affair I had with an alien who was a dead-on twin for Angelina Jolie should be enough to get me on Judge Judy. After all, somebody has to pay for our love child.