Heart attacks are NOT legal tender!

Food and transportation prices have been rising enough in the past few months to give anyone a heart attack. In fact the high prices of everything from cab rides and dinner at Applebee's to an evening out at the strip clubs have been causing heart attacks for Robert P. Farnum a resident of Milwaukee who has been using it as an excuse to skip out on several bills over the past month. With this many heart attacks in the span of a month, you might be worried about Mr. Farnum but as it turns out, the only thing Robert is suffering from is being a 'Fakey McFakerton"!

This isn't Farnum's first brush with the law, in fact he is on probation which includes a restriction against visiting several restaurants in his area, including Applebee's He was turned in by a doctor at the hospital who became fed up with his shenanigans especially after Farnum used it to elude payment for services rendered at an exotic club. The good news is that Farnum won several awards for his acting, including one for restaurant fraud and another for habitual criminality, which include complementary gift bags including up to 2 years and nine months in Jail.

I'm hoping they televise the trial later this month as I can't wait to see Farnum try and pull a fake heart attack in front of the judge to get out of hard time. Hopefully it doesn't become a modern day case of the boy who cried wolf, suffering a myocardial infarction as he comes to grips with the gravity of his acting. Be sure to check out the one and only Mr. Farnum's mug shot to complete this tale of woe.